Sunday, December 31, 2006

When God Sneaks Up On You

Hallooooooooooo all!

Yup, I'm back! I've been going through some change, as I've mentioned in earlier posts, but praise the Lord, He's been working things out for me.

So December 31, 2006 was our church's final day under the name of "Empower". Now, we are officially known as "Family Life Christian Center". Everything is the same, we just have a different name. There is a story behind the name change (one I might tell, should the time arise), but I won't bore you with the details right now. I've already changed the link, so it goes directly to the new website. The site is under construction, but it's looking great, and I can't wait to see the final product!

This is a post I've been working on for a little while now. There were a lot of thoughts that I knew I wanted to express, but I could tell I needed to be more focused in my delivery. Praise the Lord, I have a Divine Editor!

1 John 4:10 This is real love. It is not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins.

I'm just going to dive right in. God loved you first. Before you ever thought of Him, He loved you. While you were still completely engrossed in other things, God was thinking about you. He came for you before you even realized you needed help!

Romans 5:8 But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

I love the Message's version of Romans 5:8: "But God put his love on the line for us by offering his Son in sacrificial death while we were of no use whatever to him." Haha!! How's that for crazy?? We had absolutely nothing to offer Him and yet, He sent His ONLY Son to die for us!

Isaiah 65:1 "I revealed myself to those who did not ask for me; I was found by those who did not seek me. To a nation that did not call on my name, I said, 'Here am I, here am I.'

I remember the day that I finally understood what these verses meant. Let me tell you something, if you haven't yet read these verses and cried your eyes out, you haven't understood them. Before you showed any interest whatsoever in God, He LOVED you with an undying devotion! He claimed you as His child and reached for you!

I was lost once. I wandered off and got lost. The world became dark and I tried to make my own light with my own strength. I trusted in myself to pull myself out of the things I had gotten into, but everything just kept getting darker and darker. Depression and desperation were my daily companions. I kept hiding behind a chipper smile and my "never give up because I am SUPERWOMAN" attitude, but on the inside, I was broken. I felt worthless, unloved, cheated, lonely, abused, overlooked and unmissed. I kept telling myself that I was strong enough to dig my way out and find the light again, but it was all lies. It was ALL lies.

I would tell myself that I was strong enough to take care of my own problems. I didn't need help. I was being strong for my family. I would FORCE my circumstances to change, because I was superwoman. What a bunch of baloney!!

Understand something: if you are telling yourself that you are strong enough to take care of yourself, you are deceiving yourself. Stop that train of thought now, because it's that thought process that kept me in bondage for SO LONG.

Yes, you can muddle along and perhaps keep a certain standard of living on your own, but you won't ever be able to fill the yawning void on the inside of you! It's living on food stamps and welfare when a billion dollars has been set aside for you! It's fighting off a strong attacker and just managing to keep him from killing you, when you have a guy with a black belt in tae kwon do standing over to the side waiting for the word from you to attack!

Let me tell you about my breaking point. I was in my bedroom, lying on the floor, looking up at the ceiling. It was night time, and very dark out, but that darkness was nothing compared to the blackness that had swallowed me. I rested at the bottom of this thick shadow, just listening to my breathing. Something had happened that day that had upset me so much that I had gone upstairs and wept. They weren't the proper kind of tears though. They were angry tears, tears of supressed rage. I was aware of the fact that I was so angry and bitter, I could feel the effects in my bones. My arms and legs felt so odd; like they were heavier and heated some how. This heavy grief was resting ontop of my chest and I realized that, though I still thought I could exist in this hell on my own, I would be doing just that. Existing. I couldn't dispell or eradicate the thing that was sitting on me.

In my grief and rage, I finally went to God. I didn't try to hide my condition. I didn't know how to address Him properly, I just screamed out to Him. I guess, partially, I blamed Him and accused Him, but really I was calling for His intervention. I knew I didn't want the sickness and brokeness anymore. I wanted Him to save me.

Let me tell you! He came to me! He quieted my heart and stilled my accusations. The work wasn't instantaneously completed right there, but over the next couple weeks, He worked me over. He opened my heart, washed me off, applied salve, and bandaged my wounds. The more I reached for Him, the more He supported and healed me. The peace came, the direction came, the provision came. He broke through that darkness and ultimately tore it to shreds!

I don't rely on my strength anymore. I am less than a weakling compared to Him; besides it's fun riding around on His shoulders, watching Him annihilate anything that attacks me. I like the veiw! It's like killing ants with an atomic bomb, an unfair amount of firepower is involved!

I keep hearing God saying to me, "Find my lost ones. They are lonely and hurting, abused and disillusioned. Go get them and bring them to Me!" I have to tell you, the ONLY thing that gave me hope, the ONLY thing that gave any peace, the ONLY thing that solved any of the serious battles I faced was God. He is the best I have to offer you, the greatest solution I've ever found.

Acts 17:27 God did this so that men would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from each one of us.

Reach out to Him. Wherever you are today, reach out to Him. He isn't far from you. He doesn't mind climbing down into the muck and crawling under things to reach you. He'll gather you into His arms and carry you out. You will feel this fabulous peace and comfort. The silence inside of your aching heart will be so soothing! All the accusing voices will finally be silenced! And as He washes you off and bandages your wounds, your heart will heal.

Don't wait. Don't put it off. Don't try to figure everything out on your own anymore. Turn to your Perfect Father and let Him help you. He loves you so much!

If you need or want to talk to me more about this, just drop me a comment and I'll get in contact with you. God bless you!

2 comments:

Abigail said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Abigail said...

Wow sam that was great!! Thanks for all your advice (especially last night!! I finally got some REAL sleep!!). You've been a big help!!!

A >:D