I Live His Life

I'm sitting in my darkened room and it's drizzling morosely outside. The only light is the glow from my wee computer screen and I should be long gone into the land of unconsciousness - but once more, I have a quick thought to share.

I was in worship tonight at Bethel and we were sang this song by Delirious called "History Maker". It sings about how we live for Him.

And as I sang, "I'm living for you, I'm gonna be a History Maker in this land, I'm gonna be a speaker of truth to all mankind, I'm gonna stand, I'm gonna run, into your arms, into your arms again" it was resonating so loudly inside of me, I was just flipping out. But then, God showed me something. I saw how God breathed His life into my bones. That it was His life that gave me the strength to move forward. That I do nothing on my own. I actually saw two pictures: one was all of me consumed by His spirit - His spirit flowing in and out of me and filling me with life. The other was when I was living my own life, by my own power, by my own spirit. And the picture of my life on my own steam was so much fainter, so much weaker.

And I saw how I don't live my life, I live His life. Whenever I lose sight of that fact, I'm living my life in my strength and I'll get worn down. But when I remember that it's HIS life in me, that HE is living through me, then I am able to be all that I was born to be. And it's by running into His arms, again and again, that I am able to continue. It's by total reliance on Him that I can do all that I'm called to do. I am living for Him, but it's through Him that I live and move. It's only by His strength that I can exist. I need to rely on Him fully and completely abandon the fallacy of being able to do anything apart from Him. I live His life. But His life is my life. We are one.

This isn't terribly polished, because I really don't have time to edit it for readability, but it's what's coming out of my heart right now. Night y'all.

Intensity; Coupled With Grace And Self Control - It's A Good Thing

I'm feeling intense again. There are days when I'll suddenly hear this sentence or phrase in my heart and it just echos. And echos. The rest of my life may not realize it, but every area is affected by the fall out from that silent shout - everything is rearranged in some way. Adjusted to accommodate the expanding truth that is turning my world inside out.

It happened again tonight.

I was late for the night service at Bethel and only caught the tail end of the message, but the atmosphere in church was insane. Just heavy and waiting. Randall Worley was speaking and then he asked Bill Johnson to come up and pray for him. And it was at that moment that the gathering feelings crystallized into a sentence.

I want to manifest my Father to the world.

It was like I could see how Father God has been misrepresented. We go to church, we have worship services, we go on mission trips - all very good things, but some how the message comes across that our Father is shut off from us for long periods of time. That once church is over, He goes back to His room where He REALLY dwells. That if we want to feel His Presence, we have to gather in large groups and focus on Him really hard. We have to draw Him in.

Lies.

He tore the heavens open so He could come and fellowship with His children again. As much as I want to be aware of His Presence, He wants it even more. He longs for me waaaay more than I long for Him. He LONGS for me. Wow.

I want to manifest my Father all day, every day. All night. All day. Creation is groaning, the world is groaning, we are groaning, the Father is groaning. But I can' t offer it to the world until I realize it for myself - I can only give away what I've received. He. Longs. For. Me.

I am not alone. He is mine and I am His.

Poised On The Precipice

I can feel it.

People don't realize how incredible God is. We talk about reflecting aspects of His personality, we talk about developing servant hearts - but I don't hear it taught that God is intoxicating.

He is.

Seriously, I mean it, He is. I never thought that God could satisfy. I thought that there would be things I'd have to go without or learn to live with out, but that's so wrong! That's NOT who He is! That's not what He's asking for!

I have brushed the merest surface of who God is and I am ruined. I really know now that I'll never be the same. And I try and I try to describe it - I really try!!! But religion has ruined the words I'd normally use and extreme-ism has ruined the more profound words as well. I'm trying to tell you practically, I don't go without. I'm telling you, once you discover Him for REAL - for real now, not some religious fervor or "do gooder" experience - it changes everything. I am free in ways I never thought I'd be. I am hungry in ways I never thought I'd be.

God is like pervasive silence. You don't even realize that He's seized you; then, suddenly, He's all throughout your being. There is a pause that stills everything within you and you're listening, listening; and then, somehow, you just KNOW. He is there! He is there and He has always been. He's in the wind, He's in your friends' laughter, He is in a sleeping child, He is in hard physical labor. God surrounds the atmosphere of your soul.

And once you realize that, you aren't smothered, you're treasured. You aren't confined - freedom is redefined for you. You find yourself in Him and through Him. And after that, you just want more. More of Him, more of Him released through you.

He is the kindest. He is the most hopeful. His fingerprints are creativity and light. We don't know Him, but He is everywhere.

All He asks for is for a moment, for an honest moment. It's not about your performance or my performance. It's not about having answers or good intentions the first time you sit with Him. He just wants a moment of truth with you, one moment where you can be together and be real. I won't say that He'll "fix" it all in a moment, though He could do that. The one thing I know for sure is that your moment will be different from my moment. What you'll do together in that moment is anyone's guess - but if you're truly honest, you will never be the same.

I started with one moment. Now I am transfixed and I know I'll never be the same.

A Few Thoughts On A Different Kind Of Lack Mentality

I have revelation to share. =)

How many people know that the things that you think you want aren't always the things that you need?

When I was 10 or 11, my brother (Jeremy) went fishing with an adult friend of ours, I'll call him "Dave". While they were out, they ran into another friend, I'll call him "Steve". About ten minutes or so after Jeremy and Dave left Steve, they heard Steve calling for help. When they went to find out what was wrong, they discovered that Steve had broken his leg. Immediately, Dave went for help and my brother Jeremy had to stay with Steve and keep him calm.

This proved to be a difficult task, since Steve was convinced that the only thing he needed to do to feel better was to drag himself to the rushing water (and probably drown himself). So my brother spent the next half hour, physically restraining a grown man who was out of his head with pain. Why? Because what Steve wanted wasn't actually what Steve needed. People in pain do NOT have a clear idea of what they need to truly be healed.

I’ve been looking at the things that I thought I lacked in my life as I grew up. And I’ve come to the conclusion that I cannot steer my life by my lack. I cannot look at my life and decide which direction I’m going to go based on whatever I “perceive” that I’m missing.

I’ve thought, "Gee, I'm kind of awkward with guys a lot of the time, I need more guy relationships. I should build guy friendships, and acclimate." (To all my guy friends, stop freaking out. You should know by now how clinical I can be sometimes.) After the teaching today, I realize, nope. I'm fine. I may have been pretty bad with guys in the past, but I’m actually doing really well with my guy relationships out here. My boundaries are in the right places, and a friendship with a guy really SHOULDN’T look like a friendship with a girl. And why am I doing so well? Because God brought healing to my life and then brought healthy relationships into my life.

I’ve thought, "Gee, I need a spiritual father. I haven't had many in my life, I need more." Figured out today that I have a spiritual dad right now! And I had one in the last season of my life too! It's just that what God supplied for my needs didn't fit with what I THOUGHT I needed. Does that make sense?

I read this book called the Bonesetter's Daughter and God totally spoke to me through it. I related to the main character, Ruth. Ruth realized that the very thing she wanted most (love) and searched for everywhere, she didn’t know how to accept because she never expected to receive it. When she was offered love, she didn't recognize it, because it didn't look the way she expected it to look. And that very fact enabled its transformation and regression. Ruth had gotten used to feeling unwanted, leftover. She was so acquainted with the lack in her life, she couldn't see the increase even though it WAS truly present in her life.

I believe that can be true with any of us. It’s a different kind of lack mentality. When we do the whole introspection thing, all we do is memorize our faults, or our weaknesses, or lack. The lie is that by memorizing our lack, the fulfilled want will look so drastically different that we'll recognize it immediately! So NOT TRUE!! So not true.

I have felt like I've lacked intimacy and love in my life - but that's not true. The truth is when I was offered love, it scared me and I didn't trust it. God has offered me good things my whole life, He has supplied my emotional and physical and spiritual needs all along the way. Was the path always smooth? No. Were there periods of pain? Yes. But more often than not the supply He offered me I took with very little thankfulness because I didn’t recognize it as supply!!

Wah! Ok, so now we’ve identified an area of lack. Haha! What’s my strategy now? Aggressively stop my introspection, empower my friends and spiritual parents to speak into my life, and live aggressively, passionately thankful. Thankfulness will always guard you from the prideful spirit that dares to question God.

This wasn’t very polished, but it’s what I have coming out of my heart. Hope it helps someone!

Snacks in the Night and Philosophical Meanderings

So, it's eleven thirty in Redding and I'm hungry. As I wait for the water to boil on my pasta (we eat late at Casa De Dogwood), I've been mulling over a couple of recent sermons I've heard.

In the last three months, I have struggled to savor and digest massive amounts of teaching. Just massive. You have no idea how amazing the teaching is at Bethel - unless you subscribe to ibethel.tv - and even then, you're missing out on home groups, small groups, revival groups, and just various and sundry bits of decadent revelations that random people share with you! It's amazing and just way, way, way too much to handle.

This affects me in two ways. One, I’m having to lean on God in a new way. I’m learning to trust Him to open the storehouses of my spirit and preserve all of this quality, exquisite revelation. I look at it like time release capsules – it will come back to me when I’m starving for something nourishing. (Not that I’m not going before God for my own daily revelations or bread, that’s not what I’m talking about, so no one have a cow, ok?) Thank God that His rhema is so infecting and withstands the test of time!

Two, I’m having God ask me, “What do you want to accomplish here Sam?” And He doesn’t want some generic “Umm, freedom? Peace?” answer. “What do you want, Sam?” It’s a question He asks me every so often, every time with life shaking results.

Because I can literally do anything that I want while I’m here. I can go to home groups every night, I can find people to play with, I can facebook the night away, I can go to the prayer house every day if I so choose. But what do I want? Why did I come here? And is it still the central desire of my heart?

Even tonight, I felt that same, “What do you want” nudge. I came home right after school and had a shower, then sat down with my pink NIV, fully intending to spend some time with God. But fifteen minutes in, welcome distractions knocked on my door! I could have gone to a party with my roommates (who entirely deserve a break, they are hardcore, homework heavyweights), I could have gotten into a water fight with my neighbors, I could have had dinner with some other neighbors. But again, what do I want?

I remember reading in one of Heidi Baker’s books this story of how they were ministering in a village, and there were people who walked three days without food and without water to hear them teach. The thing that breaks me is that they immediately lined up for the provisions the Bakers had brought with them – Bibles. They were literally starving, and would probably risk starvation again on the way home, but the line they got in first was for BIBLES.

I think that shows something about their hearts. They knew what they were really hungry for!! Hunger for organic food, well, that was a need, but they knew what they really wanted. They didn’t want a meal that would quell the ache for a few hours – they wanted the real food, the bread of life that would settle the issues of their souls!

So here’s the question again: what do I want to accomplish here? God, I want You. I want to line my toolbox with effective equipment and weaponry, I want to form relationships that challenge my comfort zone and last for the rest of my life – but so much more than that, I want YOU.

Jeremiah 15:16
When Your words came, I ate them; they were my joy and my heart’s delight, for I bear Your name, O Lord God Almighty.

Night y’all.

Journal Entry

April 15, 2008

God, why do I have such a hard time apologizing without rationalizing or "sharing the blame"? Why can't I just apologize and leave it there?

Sam, when you feel wronged, you get puffed up inside. You don’t just get hurt, you get angry. And then, no matter how much you say that you believe that I’ll accept you in any condition, you still hesitate to listen to my words. It becomes hard for you to believe that you’re hearing from me. That’s why the enemy wants you to stay in a constant state of “hurting”.

I’m here Sam. I haven’t left you. I’m not despairing over your attitude or level of maturity. Trust me Sam. When I say something, I mean it and I don’t take it back.

You think you have to defend yourself when you're hurt. You use anger as energy to fight for yourself and then you feel badly. Why do you feel badly? Because your spirit knows that you aren’t defeated and you don't need to defend yourself. The devil is a liar. See yourself as loved Sam. See yourself as loved by me.

Humbling yourself is agreeing with Me, Sam. Just agree with Me. So what if you’re not always right? You’re best friends with someone who is!!

Praise is key Sam. Just praise me and remember my face. I see you as clean, pure, holy, and whole. Wholly righteous. You are complete; complete in me. I’ll hold your hand and never leave you.

Hope this helps!! ^_^

Oh Can Anybody Show Me? The REAL Jesus??!

Matthew 16:15
"But what about you?" He asked. "Who do you say I am?" Simon Peter answered, "You are the Christ, the Son of the living God."

Mark 8:29

"But what about you?" He asked. "Who do you say I am?" Peter answered, " You are the Christ."

Luke 9:20

"But what about you?" He asked. "Who do you say I am?" Peter answered, "The Christ of God.

God highlighted these verses for me in Guatemala. It's significant. Like, who do I say Jesus is?

God is the same yesterday, today, and forever. At the same time, He's such a multifaceted Being - a fact that is reflected in the many names of God! What I felt the Lord telling me was, if I'm constantly coming to Him and only recognizing ONE specific aspect, I'm short changing myself.

In every situation, WHO do I say Jesus is? In the morning when I wake up, who is Jesus? When my car makes funny noises, who is Jesus? When I'm hungry and looking for a good place to eat, who is Jesus? In good times, who is Jesus? In bad times, who is Jesus?


Who do YOU say Jesus is?

(For all the suspect grammar, I deeply apologize.)

The Business of Growing Straight

So, I've been in Guatemala for a little over a week now. It's been an amazing trip. I'm so grateful to Rebecca Collins and Vida Ilumitada for inviting me.

I feel like I've quietly grown since coming here. I get up early in the morning, and when I take the laundry up to the lines on the roof the sky is beautiful. The world is so quiet, the only ones that seem to be stirring are the birds and the bugs. It's a chance for me to be quiet and consider my Father and His wonderful, gentle nature and goodness.

I've known from the beginning that part of this trip was about getting away and being alone with God. I love my church and my friends, but I've let the focus of spending time with God shift to getting answers for others and asking for wisdom for service. Good stuff, but my relationship with Him was refreshing and lively when I went into His presence mainly to enjoy time with my Father.

It’s so easy to say that God is the most important person in your life and believe in the idea... But it’s not really true. I used to spend a couple hours, just hanging out with God in my closet. Some times we’d listen to music, some times we’d talk, some times I’d just sit and listen. THAT was what brought growth in me. But more importantly, I was just loving God. I want my relationship with Him to be just that simple again. Nothing more, nothing less.

I could list all the benefits of those times, but I don’t want to. The truth is that God gives you gifts when you visit with Him. You’ll always come away with more than you had when you entered your quiet place. That’s just the kind of Father He is! He loves to show us things, delight us, and inspire awe in our hearts. You can’t spend time with Him without being changed. But if you’re always going to Him looking for the present, looking for the change, looking for the effect... Very quickly the quality of your times together go downhill. I know because that’s what happened to me.

There are any number of excuses I used to justify the change in my attitude when I came before Him. He was never mad, and always helped me with whatever I needed help with. And, hey, He still used me to minister to people. But I started to get sick-hearted. Very me-focused. Very stressed.

You know? Maybe you know what that feels like? It’s blehh. All I needed was time in a place where I had no excuses! That was all it took! (So I had to leave the country to do that... Those who love me say I’m dramatic!) No one needs me to pray for them in Guatemala; sheesh, most don’t speak English.

I pray this lesson gets way down deep into my heart. I pray that it so basically changes who I am that I’ll never be the same. I pray that I grow straight and strong, with motives that are pure, and priorities in the proper order. And may I never leave the shadow of His presence.

Goodnight!
Sam

Miriam: The Smart Older Sister

Do you ever think about the story of Moses from Miriam's viewpoint? I was thinking about that tonight and I realized something (aka God pointed something out to me); Miriam let her Mother put Moses in a basket in a river.

That's right. Think about that!! She actually let her Mother place her baby brother in a basket in the NILE. That just blows my mind.

I never thought about it like that before. Man, if that had been me, I would have fished my little brother out of the river and tried to make a run for it with him all by myself. I also would have been angry with my mother for committing what I would have viewed as infanticide! But if Miriam had taken Moses out of the river, it was very likely that he would have been killed. Someone would have caught her with him before she could get out of Egypt (duh, since they were slaves!) and Moses would have been toast.

But Miriam was bright enough to leave her brother where he was. She didn't abandon him, but she didn't take control of the situation.

I'm protective. I'm also loyal. I'm also a control freak. I hear a sweet motherly woman saying "Awww..." but the truth is that particular combination when it's not Spirit-led is pretty lethal.

Miriam stayed close by and available, but she didn't butt in until God nudged her to. Man! I could sure take some lessons for her. It's so hard to leave someone in what seems to be a dangerous situation when you're as nosy as I am. But that's why you have to be close to God. Because sometimes people have to reach a low point before they cry out to God on their own. Sometimes they have to drown a little before they reach out to God from their hearts. If you keep propping them up and propping them up, that baby will never grow beyond baby food. And I doubt that child will walk on it's own, much less swim!

God is always involved. I guess what I'm saying (and I seriously need to learn this RIGHT NOW) is wait until He tells you to do something before you intervene. Release your loved one to God. 'Cause what looks to be a dangerous situation may just be the boat ride to salvation!

1Cor. 1:19
For it is written: "I will destroy the wisdom of the wise; the intelligence of the intelligent I will frustrate."

1Cor. 2:9&10
However, it is written: "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him"-- but God has revealed it to us by his Spirit. The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God.

Psalm 119:1-8 NIV (A Personal Closer Look)

Aleph
1 Blessed are they whose ways are blameless, who walk according to the law of the Lord.
2 Blessed are they who keep his statutes and seek him with all their heart.
3 They do nothing wrong; they walk in his ways.
4 You have laid down precepts that are to be fully obeyed.
5 Oh, that my ways were steadfast in obeying your decrees!
6 Then I would not be put to shame when I consider all your commands.
7 I will praise you with an upright heart as I learn your righteous laws.
8 I will obey your decrees; do not utterly forsake me.

I've been talking with a guy who is a close friend of mine and he's been kind of struggling with his own perception of right and wrong. Everyone has standards for his or her own life. It's like a person's own line in the sand. Example: I'll get super mad at my Mom and be disrespectful, but I won't hit someone in anger. Or: I'll drive five miles over the speed limit, but I won't make illegal left turns. Personal perception of right and wrong and all the varying degrees therein.

I'm hearing someone think, "So what?" Well, we've just identified a form of "law". Only this law is human law, carnal law, Sam's law of relatively bad behavior. And this kind of law gives us trouble!

My friend was considering doing something, and was running into some difficulty going ahead with it with a clear and easy heart. One reason for worry was that he was concerned with what others would think, what others would say. Another reason for worry, an even bigger one in my opinion, was that he wasn't sure whether God considered what he was about to do a sin. Frustrated, he said, "I wish there was a list of do's and don'ts! Then I wouldn't have to worry about anything!"

I've felt like that before. We get into this formulaic mindset, where all we want is a list of rules. Just a list of rules, so that it's easy. Don't have to think about it, don't have to go ask God about anything, just consult the list and go on living our own lives.

Ps. 119:
1 Blessed are they whose ways are blameless, who walk according to the law of the Lord.
2 Blessed are they who keep his statutes and seek him with all their heart.
3 They do nothing wrong; they walk in his ways.

The problem with wanting a list like that is that it isn't easy. The Israelites could tell us how NOT easy it was. Things happen, and there are so many variables to deal with in actual, real life situations that a concrete rule can't allow for. When we're rules focused we're also sin conscious, so we're missing it there too!

Man! Harsh!

There is hope though! In Galatians 5:1 it says: "It is for FREEDOM that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yolk of slavery." What were we set free from? Sin and death!! And what was the yolk that harnessed us to our sins? LAW!! The law condemned us. So what did God do? He didn't just make a bunch of add-ons and adjustments to the law, He sent Jesus to take the punishment in our place, and gave us a new law, a simpler law, a law that established grace, mercy, and relationship as the rule!!

How many of you hate when you call customer service and get those automated things? "For problems with the billing department, press one. For the claims department, press 2." I get SO frustrated when my problem doesn't fit their list!! I'm always so RELIEVED to talk to a live person, I end up being so sweet and nice, I almost don't get my issue resolved!! Think of your life like that. God wanted to take out the inflexibility of "The LAW" and instead deal with you one-on-one!

Paul said it like this:
Galatians 5:4-6 You who are trying to be justified by law have been alienated from Christ; you have fallen away from grace. But by faith we eagerly await through the Spirit the righteousness for which we hope. For in Christ Jesus neither circumcision nor uncircumcision has any value. The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love.

Galatians 5:16
So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law.

My advice to my friend? Talk to God!! Get to know God!! Ask Him what is good and upright. Seek Him, get to know Him, learn to love Him, and then you won't be asking for a list! You'll be naturally serving God and doing what is right.

Lastly:
Ephesians 5:8-9
For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness, and truth) and find out what pleases the Lord.

Chewing The Cud (Translating Meditation From Christianese Into Plain English)

Hee hee, I LOVE that title!! Love it. (On a side note, I need to write a book and include the sentence, "The grill was a screaming sea of grease.")

Today, at work, while I prepared a vast quantity of pork chops I listened to the sermon from Sunday's service (Making Disciples). And, it was funny and frustrating, bits and pieces of the sermon kept popping out at me. It was like they were highlighted on the inside of my heart. There was one part in particular that I kept rewinding and listening to again and again. I tried very hard to figure out what I was trying to understand or what I was on the verge of discovering, but, whatever it was, it remained shapeless and flighty, just out of my reach.

But the experience got me thinking. Meditation is SO important! It seems kind of boring and mundane, but the process of focusing on one scripture, or one thought from the bible, or one part of a sermon is like exercising. As you look at the scripture from different angles and really lean into thinking about it, the Holy Spirit is right there. It's like, you're doing chin ups, and as you pull up, when you get your chin over the bar, He pops something sweet in your mouth to reward your work.

I was tempted to email my pastor and question him until he gave me the discovery that my spirit was working on. But as I considered it, the image of a chick chipping it's way out of its shell popped into my mind. If someone comes along and helps the chick out, does all the work for it, then the chick will grow up weak. It won't have developed the muscles that it needs. I think meditation is like that. Sometimes, we need to figure out things for ourselves. Not just take whatever has been fed to us, but root around for our own food.

Anyway, check out the sermon. It was GOOD.

Visiting My Friends' Church

I went to a service at my friends' new church "Shift" and afterwards we were all sitting around just talking. After a bit, I realized how PASSIONATE I am about God. And the more I find out about Him, the more I love Him. Gah, that sounds so sappy, but it's true.

Mrs. Collins posted on her blog about knowing God and it hit my heart just the right way. (Click here to read it!) I'd love to restate everything she said, but honestly, she said it best. So read it!!

Hebrew 8:10-12: This is the covenant I will make with the house of Israel after that time, declares the Lord. I will put my laws in their minds and write them on their hearts. I will be their God, and they will be my people. No longer will a man teach his neighbor, or a man his brother, saying, 'Know the Lord,' because they will ALL know me, from the least of them to the greatest. For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more."

IMPORTANT!! =D

Check this out: "Run". I feel like this is seriously important, that if you seize this and let this be the encouragement that you needed to push on and NOT STOP, you'll go so much further than you ever imagined possible.

This is a season where things are happening quickly. Where before we've had obstacles and seemingly immoveable mountains blocking us, in this season breakthrough can come overnight. The enemy is going to throw up as many challenges as possible, trying to slow us down and trick us into taking our eyes off of the glory that's infront of us. Crazy things might happen, but they don't have any substance. Like I said to my friend one Sunday, it's like no matter what happens (no matter how nuts!) wait two days and victory is obvious! Don't be discourage by anything, don't let anything slow you down, push forward and accomplish as much as you can! Take ground, take ground, TAKE GROUND!!

Be fruitful and be mindful of the season! This is a time for increase, take FULL advantage of it!!

Leaps of Faith

For the last year, the Lord has been training me for my future. He's been gentle and calm with me, so I haven't had a hard time trusting Him. I've been able to see where He was going with each decision and change to my schedule. The only thing that has been growing and stretching is my idea of what I can do and what gifts I have. I've been able to see the conclusion of every step and pretty much knew where He was leading me.

Until now.

One day a couple weeks ago, I was in my bed and almost asleep when my Mom knocked on my door. It was pretty late and everyone knew I had work in the morning, so I was startled by the knocking on the door! But Mom had a cell phone in her hand and my Dad was on the other end and he had news for me. Evidently, one of the customers he was driving (my dad works at a limo company) worked for an assisted living facility and this place needed an extra hand in their restaurant.

Every other time I've tried to consider leaving Starbucks, I've always gotten a serious and firm "No." when I brought the idea to God. I was more than ready for another stop light, so it was shocking to feel like I was supposed to interview! Once I registered that, I still had an onslaught of "I don't know if I'm what they're looking for... Maybe I'll get freaked out by working around all those old folks...." Still, very persistent, was the impression I was supposed to go interview.

So I did. (There is WAAAAAAAAAAAY more to the story, a series of incidents that were obviously God-arranged, but I'm not going to tell all of that right now.) I interviewed on Monday, and I'm supposed to hear back from them tomorrow.

I'm just sitting here, thinking about my life for the past year and a quarter, and I'm realizing I have no idea what this next step is leading to. I have no idea if I'll get the job. Normally, I'd be freaking out, or at least very unsettled, but all is calm and quiet inside. I've been hearing the call of God to start leaping without looking and it's been very cool to begin practicing. I may not be able to see where I'm going to land, but that's fine. This is exactly the kind of trust I need to develop.

One more time:

Jeremiah 29 :11-13 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

God is good!

A Quick Thought On Boldness

What is boldness? It's daring to throw yourself out onto the promises of God. To believe that He has only good things in store for you, and refusing to accept anything less. It's forgeting about yourself, and your image, and your reputation, and YOU. It's facing rejection, not once, not twice, but daily. It's living on the edge; refusing to settle, back down, become complacent, or stop taking ground.

Man, what a lifestyle.

A REALLY Great Quote

"In worship, the sacrifice is no longer physical expression or verbal declarations. We are the sacrifice. Fire always falls on sacrifice. And when we are the sacrifice, we cannot help but be changed."

=)
Sam

Listen, Live, and Rest

"Come, all you who are thirsty, come to the waters; and you who have no money, come, buy and eat! Come, buy wine and milk without money and without cost. Why spend money on what is not bread, and your labor on what does not satisfy? Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good, and your soul will delight in the richest of fare. Give ear and come to me; hear me that your soul may live. I will make an everlasting covenant with you, my faithful love promised to David. See, I have made him a witness to the peoples, a leader and commander of the peoples. Surely you will summon nations you know not, and nations that do not know you will hasten to you, because of the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, for he has endowed you with splendor. Seek the Lord while he may be found; call on him while he is near..." Isaiah 55:1-6

The Lord keeps leading me back to this passage. Again and again, I open my Bible and this is the first scripture I see.

I've always felt that my life was meant for something special. For years, I felt that on the inside and didn't really share it with anyone (for various reasons). I got muddled up along the way, but in the last two or three years, the Lord has brought some wonderful fruit out of my life and I can only praise Him for His never ending faithfulness.

A week ago, I challenged everyone to give God fifteen minutes a day of unstructured, unplanned, unreligious time. I didn't imagine that God would use that time the way He has! I can't tell you all that the He's working on in me, because I'm still in the middle of the lesson, but I can give you some highlights.

~Shutting out all the mental noise and learning to listen quietly for God is a POWERFUL skill. It can't be overdeveloped.
~Sometimes the best, most obedient thing to do is to do NOTHING! Wait on God.
~Serving God because of love and passion for Him is the best motivator!

One more thing. Jesus said,

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matt. 11:28-30

When serving Him doesn't come easily, naturally, I'm learning to check whose load it is I'm yoked to. There should be a rest inside that isn't disturbed by natural disruptions. Go back to that place of rest.

I hope this helps!

Samantha

Something Cool

This was something I found on another blog and it revved my engines. Hope ya like it!!

"Quit living as if the purpose of life is to arrive safely at death. Set God-sized goals. Pursue God-ordained passions. Grab life by the mane. Go after a dream that is destined to fail without divine intervention. Keep asking questions. Keep making mistakes. Keep seeking God. Stop pointing out problems and become part of the solution. Stop repeating the past and start creating the future. Stop playing it safe and start taking risks. Expand your horizons. Accumulate experiences. Consider the lilies. Enjoy the journey. Find every excuse you can to celebrate everything you can. Live like today is the first day and last day of your life. Don't let what's wrong with you keep you from worshipping what's right with God. Burn sinful bridges. Blaze a new trail. Criticize by creating. Worry less about what people think and more about what God thinks. Don't try to be who you're not. Be yourself. Laugh at yourself. Quit holding out. Quit holding back. Quit running away. Chase the lion!"

YWM And Talks About God

This past Wednesday, our church had our first young women's meeting! It was WONDERFUL!! (Check out Sarah's blog for a picture and her take on the evening.) We had about twelve young ladies attend and I think everyone came away with something to think about. God has been so good to all of us and I know He's going to take us waaaaay further than we could even imagine.

So! On with my post! I have a theory. Struggles and problems stem from a misunderstanding of who God is. (Wasn't that short and sweet?)

For every issue that I've dealt with in my life, I've been able to trace it back to a basic misunderstanding of God. When I realize that God is kind, that God is trustworthy, that He isn't angry with me, that He's full of joy, that He's GENTLE, He's full of patience, and most importantly He LOVES ME, it changes everything.

One of my biggest challenges is that I'm a pretty cerebral person. I love to logic things out. When I get into a mess, I tend to want to work it out for myself. Even when I say that I'm trusting God, it's more like, "Ok, I'm trusting God! So with the power of God flowing through me, I'm going to fix this!!" And then when I make it worse, I've found myself asking God why He failed me!!! >_<

Trusting God means that you have completely taken your hands off and surrendered the problem to God. Sometimes, He'll guide you through certain steps to get out of the muddle. Other times (and this is where I've been falling down!), He needs you to just leave the problem with Him.

If I had the full revelation of who God is, it would change my thought patterns. Instead of automatically jumping in to fix stuff on my own, I'd relax, lean back and watch God work. Instead of feeling condemned and stressed when I've done something stupid, I'd apologize and then feel free!

The good news is, the more you hang out with God (like praying or reading your bible, or something of that sort) the better you get to know Him. I've started hanging certain scriptures on my wall. Ones that are encouraging, or talk about a certain characteristic of God are especially good. I can think about those as I clean my room or get ready for work and it cements the image of that aspect of God in my heart. This is the whole "renewing your mind" thingie that pastors are always talking about! =)

I hope this helps. (I haven't arrived, but I've left and I'm not giving up!!)

Love ya,
Samantha

"Wanting A God You Can Talk To"

I'm feeling happy! Extremely, thoroughly happy! I've been reading this book by Jesse Duplantis called "Wanting A God You Can Talk To" and I'm loving it. It's filling me up on the inside and confirming just about every hope and dream I've had concerning talking with God.

(Sniper, if you wanted a book that would answer your questions about talking to God, THIS IS THE BOOK.)

I like this book because Jesse Duplantis keeps things simple. There isn't a whiff of religious-ness about him. It's not a hard read. I didn't feel like he had a thesaurus right by his side when he was writing the book. He just talks about his experiences with seeking God and offers encouragement anyone wanting to have a one on one friendship with God. Check it out!

(Thank you Becca, for giving this book to me! Anna has GREAT taste!)