I left because I wanted change in environment, perspective, and the atmosphere of my soul. (In other words, just a few tiny alterations! Haha!) In the past, I've tried to change and discovered that change is difficult. We are strange creatures of dirt and the breath of God; stiff, pliant, and squishy, everything oozes back to sea level if "change" is effected without His tools.
The first night, I went upstairs to my bedroom, and right off the bat, out came my bible and my heart. In that moment, as I opened up to His Presence (kind of like a sanctified heroin addict), I realized how far I'd come. I wasn't spending time with God to cross Him off the list of "disciplines". I was embracing Him because He is real and He is wonderful. He's way better than anything anyone has ever described before.
Crazy right? But so reassuring - I'd always hoped that actually knowing Him would take the effort away. You all know how huge that is for me; time with God was always such a guilt trip for me. I really sucked at it. Now, I realize He probably hated it way more than I ever did! Haha, it is possible to bore God! Hahaha! But, I've discovered Him.
I have to warn you, it is dangerous. It is literally addictive. If you're going to church or some other religious building and feeling condemned because you don't put in the hours - you haven't found God. When you find Him, you discover He needs to come with a warning label. Literally. My roommate has accidentally woken me and I've had to take a few breaths before talking to her for fear of biting her head off - THAT'S how good the dream was. I've had His Presence come so close, I've had trouble breathing.
It has nothing to do with religion. He is risky and wild, He is creativity and sound. And, just a warning, He's been known to burst in on people who weren't even thinking about Him.
Ahh. Yep. He's beautiful. =) Anyway, I thought that was fun. I couldn't change me, but He could, and easy-peasy. He just had to show me His face.
Would you like to know God? Not that bummer everyone feels so guilty about, but the Guy who hung out with prostitutes, crooked political employees, and drunks - so much so that the religious people thought HE was a drunk! Haha! If you want, you can pray the prayer at the end of this page. DON'T PRAY IT UNLESS YOU ARE READY TO LOOSE IT. Seriously. I dared God, and I don't regret it, but if you're content on your own, don't goof around with it.
Have a greeeat weekend peoples!
Sam
Me: God, I ask that everyone who prays this prayer from their heart would not fail to find YOU. Not anyone else's representation or the god who makes sense, but YOU. Thanks.
Prayer: Hey God, I'm looking for you. I dare you to find me.
2 comments:
Love your post. So many turn me off but yours is right on. We can look high and low, sit in pews or not, say we believe or say we don't, and God is there all the time. I think this process is so different for everyone. Thanks for sharing part of yours.
Wow, thank you. I think I'm able to be super honest on this blog because I keep thinking that no one sees it - always startles me when I see a comment! Glad the post resonated with you, and I hope your day to day life with Him goes ever deeper, for real. =)
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