Saturday, May 23, 2009

My Old Nemesis

(This is an old draft that I never published that was from before I left home. It's real and I think it's pretty good.)

Change. My old nemesis. Sigh.

You'd think that by now, I'd be ok with change. After all, it's a natural part of life. We're meant to move and grow and flow. Each day builds on the last. Blech.

Right now, it's like I'm in my solo boat, moving toward something new and different. At the same time, all around me, everyone else is flying off in different directions! It's a season of change, the time to take up new positions, and time to level up. The way I described it to my Mom, it's like we're in platoons, and we're all running in different formations. It looks scattered and swift and powerful from down here, but only the One watching from above sees the purpose and order to it all. It's cool, but it scares me.

I'm paddling my boat, trying to stay calm and just follow my orders, but I watch everyone else that I've walked with, fought with, trained with, LIVED with breaking off and dispersing. I want to be encouraging. I want to share their joy at their new assignments. I don't want to focus so much on my discomfort that I miss this precious time. But I'm scared.

And the really alarming thing is, there is NO going back! The things that were solid and comforting yesterday, are a raging river today! There is nothing that says that if I hold on here and fight for a feeling of security, that I'll actually find security here! Security is where God is, wherever He's leading me. I need to cling to Him, not to people.

I'm determined to keep learning, and growing.

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