Listener of God

Sometimes I Think - We All Need SOMEBODY Sometimes

2011-07-27T23:25:00.000-07:00

Help me if you can, I'm feeling down
And I do appreciate your being 'round
Help me get my feet back on the ground
Won't you please, please, help me?

When I was younger, so much younger than today
I never needed anybody's help in anyway
But now those days are gone and I'm not so self assured
And now I've found I changed my mind and opened up the doors

I've been roaming around, I was looking down at all I see
Painted faces fill the places I can't reach
You know that I could use somebody
You know that I could use somebody

Dude, the world is a lonely, lonely place! Zowie. Facebook, Twitter, World of Warcraft, 2nd Life - all places where people can have a form of intimacy without any commitment, and honestly without any lasting fulfillment. I remember when I was young my dad told me this awful story (my dad had a penchant for horror stories) about some people who were shipwrecked on an island. They found some plants on the island that they began to eat just fill their stomachs and stay alive, but unfortunately for them, the plant they consumed had no nutritional value whatsoever. They starved to death on the island with full stomachs.

Shiver me timbers, right? >_< I feel like that is a parallel to what is happening today in day to day life. Everyone is stuffing themselves on interactions that don't challenge, have no lasting value to their soul, and aren't truly vulnerable with anyone.

Does anyone know the worst thing you've ever done? Is it someone you respect? Someone who loves you anyway? Do you have anyone in your life who knows everything about you, whose opinion really matters to you? Is there anyone in your world you trust more than yourself?

These were really hard questions for me. Difficult on so many levels. I was raised to keep myself to myself, to make sure that I didn't air any dirty laundry in public. Unfortunately the "public" was anyone outside of our immediate family. (My parents have since amended their opinion on this topic - my parents are great; always looking for the healthier path.) I wandered around feeling very lonely, very segregated, and I didn't know why.

I wish I could say that "POOF!", as soon as I got in a relationship with someone healthy and mature it was easy for me to share, and it felt great - but that is SOOOO NOT THE CASE! At first, it felt so incredibly awkward. I struggled with immense feelings of being a bother, a nuisance, a cry baby, a drama queen, and had a million and one reasons why the moment wasn't ideal for being vulnerable.

It was all lies, of course. My comfort zone was being challenged. My belief about my worth was being challenged. It was a very scary time, but also one of great growth and great breakthrough.

What if we all took the time to truly listen to at least one person today? What if we asked that someone who has stood out to us all this time, "How are you really doing?" and actually listened? Sometimes I think we want to make loving God and serving people into this big melodramatic thing that can't happen until we're in another country working with the starving and the dying. But guess what? People are starving and dying right here! You can save a life today by just being present with someone. But it will take risk, and it will take a willingness to be uncomfortable, even in familiar circumstances. Sometimes I think, it's these "small" things that mean the most.

"What use is it, my brethren, if someone says he has faith but he has no works? Can that faith save him? If a brother or sister is without clothing and in need of daily food, and one of you says to them, "Go in peace, be warmed and be filled, " and yet you do not give them what is necessary for their body, what use is that? Even so faith, if it has no works, is dead, being by itself." James 2:14-17

Not To Forget You...

2011-01-21T02:57:00.001-08:00

I went home for Christmas. Had a lot of fun, ate a lot of food, saw a lot of snow. =) But while I was there I realized, good grief I have CHANGED.

I left because I wanted change in environment, perspective, and the atmosphere of my soul. (In other words, just a few tiny alterations! Haha!) In the past, I've tried to change and discovered that change is difficult. We are strange creatures of dirt and the breath of God; stiff, pliant, and squishy, everything oozes back to sea level if "change" is effected without His tools.

The first night, I went upstairs to my bedroom, and right off the bat, out came my bible and my heart. In that moment, as I opened up to His Presence (kind of like a sanctified heroin addict), I realized how far I'd come. I wasn't spending time with God to cross Him off the list of "disciplines". I was embracing Him because He is real and He is wonderful. He's way better than anything anyone has ever described before.

Crazy right? But so reassuring - I'd always hoped that actually knowing Him would take the effort away. You all know how huge that is for me; time with God was always such a guilt trip for me. I really sucked at it. Now, I realize He probably hated it way more than I ever did! Haha, it is possible to bore God! Hahaha! But, I've discovered Him.

I have to warn you, it is dangerous. It is literally addictive. If you're going to church or some other religious building and feeling condemned because you don't put in the hours - you haven't found God. When you find Him, you discover He needs to come with a warning label. Literally. My roommate has accidentally woken me and I've had to take a few breaths before talking to her for fear of biting her head off - THAT'S how good the dream was. I've had His Presence come so close, I've had trouble breathing.

It has nothing to do with religion. He is risky and wild, He is creativity and sound. And, just a warning, He's been known to burst in on people who weren't even thinking about Him.

Ahh. Yep. He's beautiful. =) Anyway, I thought that was fun. I couldn't change me, but He could, and easy-peasy. He just had to show me His face.

Would you like to know God? Not that bummer everyone feels so guilty about, but the Guy who hung out with prostitutes, crooked political employees, and drunks - so much so that the religious people thought HE was a drunk! Haha! If you want, you can pray the prayer at the end of this page. DON'T PRAY IT UNLESS YOU ARE READY TO LOOSE IT. Seriously. I dared God, and I don't regret it, but if you're content on your own, don't goof around with it.

Have a greeeat weekend peoples!

Sam

Me: God, I ask that everyone who prays this prayer from their heart would not fail to find YOU. Not anyone else's representation or the god who makes sense, but YOU. Thanks.

Prayer: Hey God, I'm looking for you. I dare you to find me.

Possibly The Strangest Post I've Ever Made

2010-11-27T21:41:00.001-08:00

I am a dreamer.

I have more ideas and visions and hopes for ten years from now than practical wisdom for tomorrow. I've been working through this book that has exercises to help stimulate creativity and curiosity. One of the exercises was to create a list of 100 questions; don't think, just write. Don't worry about the answers, just ask the questions. And it was funny, some of the questions that came pouring out of my soul were: "Why is it so hard to get still?", "What am I running from?", "Why do I have such certainty about 30 years from now, but no idea about tomorrow?"

In the last two years of my life, I've learned some wonderful things about myself. I've learned about the depths of creativity that God placed inside of me, that I am a woman who is passionate about relationships and love, that I am a very good leader, and that I have to be free, that I cannot stand to be constrained.

But I've also learned some hard things about myself. I've learned that I have things to work on and areas in my life where I need to grow. I have fear in my life. I've let fear push me around more often than I'd like to admit. When I'm scared I hide, I lie, I get busy, I keep secrets, I procrastinate. I've learned that it just takes a moment to make a mess, and messes scare me. Messes scare me because they challenge love. They challenge other people's love for me, challenge my love for myself, challenge my trust in God's love for me.

And I've realized that I am SO TEMPTED, so tempted to live my life just a little bit safer. Dream up a future that I can do, that I'm sure I can do. One without major messes, one that doesn't expose my faults, one that doesn't challenge me or my perception of myself. It would be so much easier! And wouldn't that be better for everyone? Wouldn't everyone like that better? If Sam wasn't such a screw up?

But. I came to California because my life was on fire. The past behind me that was so safe, so predictable, so strong was too small for me, and much too small for me to truly see God. It's so sad, I've seen Him better in my worst moments than on my most peaceful day. I came to California because I wanted to know Him, really and truly. If it turned out that it was all hype, that Christianity was actually just some sort of mass emotional high, I wanted to know. I wanted to know and for certain.

So I burned everything that I built, and came out here where daily I walk on borrowed strength. I know that I eat because He supplied it for me - and not in a way that I would have picked! I've chosen this. I've chosen honest frailty rather than implied strength. I've chosen to be ugly when I'd much rather TRY to be acceptable, covered up. It feels insane some times!! It feels like, shouldn't chasing God be easier? Shouldn't suddenly finances pour out of the sky? Shouldn't wisdom just be downloaded to me; wisdom and tons of self control? Right? Wasn't that in the book somewhere?

I don't have a beautiful, properly edited end to this post. This is just an honest moment where suddenly a bunch of ideas congealed and I knew I needed somewhere to remember this blob of truth. This is the truth: God never gets tired of ugly me. He never backs up or steps away. The only step He takes is closer. And He never does things the way that I want Him to, and I have to be ok with that. Because that is who He is.

Night!

Another Look At Glory

2010-10-29T02:00:00.000-07:00

Funny, I haven't posted something brand new to this blog in while. Even the newer things I've posted haven't been truly new to me because they are reposts of things that I have on my facebook. But as I looked at the stats on this blog, I saw that people liked some of these "wondering" posts.

Since being at Bethel, I've heard messages where Pastor Bill highlights the scripture where God shows Moses His back? It's rather long, but I'm going to post it anyway:

¹³"Now therefore, I pray You, if I have found favor in Your sight, let me know Your ways that I may know You, so that I may find favor in Your sight. Consider too, that this nation is Your people."

¹⁴And He said, "My presence shall go with you, and I will give you rest."

¹⁵Then he said to Him, "If Your presence does not go with us, do not lead us up from here.

¹⁶"For how then can it be known that I have found favor in Your sight, I and Your people? Is it not by Your going with us, so that we, I and Your people, may be distinguished from all the other people who are upon the face of the earth?"

¹⁷The LORD said to Moses, "I will also do this thing of which you have spoken; for you have found favor in My sight and I have known you by name."

¹⁸Then Moses said, "I pray You, show me Your glory!"

¹⁹And He said, "I Myself will make all My goodness pass before you, and will proclaim the name of the LORD before you; and I will be gracious to whom I will be gracious, and will show compassion on whom I will show compassion."

I find it interesting that when Moses asked to see God's glory, God showed him His goodness, His graciousness, and His compassion. Interesting.

Having said all that, I'll repost what I said earlier in the year:

Proverbs 25:2 NIV
It is the glory of God to conceal a matter; to search out a matter is the glory of kings.
John 17:20 NIV

"My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one: I in them and you in me. May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me. "Father, I want those you have given me to be with me where I am, and to see my glory, the glory you have given me because you loved me before the creation of the world.

What is Glory?? Seems pretty important in the bible and like it might be a good idea to define.

Glory

Glo"ry\, n. [OE. glorie, OF. glorie, gloire, F. gloire, fr. L. gloria; prob. akin to Gr. ?, Skr. ?ravas glory, praise, ?ru to hear. See Loud.]1. Praise, honor, admiration, or distinction, accorded by common consent to a person or thing; high reputation; honorable fame; renown. Glory to God in the highest. --Luke ii. 14.

Glory

Glo"ri*ous\, a. [OF. glorios, glorious, F. glorieux, fr. L. gloriosus. See Glory, n.]1. Exhibiting attributes, qualities, or acts that are worthy of or receive glory; noble; praiseworthy; excellent; splendid; illustrious; inspiring admiration; as, glorious deeds.

I'll ask it again: What is glory? How would God define glory? What is HE describing when He uses the word "glory?"

Interesting. Very interesting. Have a good night!

It's The End Of The World As I Know It

2010-09-19T00:18:00.001-07:00

=) Love it.

It's the end of the school year. One packed with nerves, new adventures, new friends, new interests, excitement, stress, anxiety, overwhelming peace, storms, influences and influencers, unexpected favor, and surprising weight loss. Haha! But what I've learned most from this year is how closely I have to walk with the Lord to stay sane.

I pursued passion and experience, and it was fun and good and interesting, but I quickly discovered that if my experiences outweighed my inner understanding of who He is to ME and how we are together in our relationship - I lose my bearings and quickly run aground. I need Him personally. I say it shamelessly - I can't make it a day without Him. I know He wants me to have experiences, but they have to add to my personal life with Him - otherwise they are signs that point nowhere and just leave me confused and anxious.

He told me at the beginning of the school year that we would take it slowly and that I'd have to stay centered in Him, but I kind of forgot about that. And my year has been amazing, but in the last couple of weeks I have SERIOUSLY overdone it. Especially on spring break. I went to my limits in growth (growth can be so exhausting) in way too many areas. I actually felt the Lord pretty obviously check me. I am not designed to do well on my own. ^_^

The other theme of this year - one I didn't recognize until tonight - is His faithfulness. Some people mention the faithfulness of God and you have no idea what they're talking about. I'm talking about His extreme skill in pursuing your best interests overall, no matter what it may look like at any given moment. He has answered so many prayers for me this year, but many were answered so creatively, I almost didn't recognize them as answers! But I think that God has this thing where He goes, "Ooo, eeesh, if I answer her prayer just the way she means it - man, she's gonna hate that. And that's going to burn her later on, down the road. You know what, I'll just do it like THIS - " and blammo, I'm working for minimum wage but I have a cellphone, a macbook, all my needs are met, and my second year is entirely paid for.

When I left home, I stressed out because I didn't have a job, I didn't have enough funds to move, I didn't know where I was going to live (didn't find a place until like four days before I left), and didn't have the money to attend school. I felt like I was being irresponsible because I felt such peace inside - I thought I was in denial. It wasn't denial - it was His Presence ushering me forward.

And now the year is winding down, and I have a week and three days of school left. Once again, the feelings of anxiety come - where am I going to live over the summer? What if I don't make it into second year - what will I do? How am I going to make it through the summer when all of my closest friends are leaving? And IMMEDIATELY, I'm drawn to this Cory Asbury song that quickly becomes my theme song "Faithful to the End". As I start listening to it, I'm comforted.

Yesterday, I found out I was accepted to second year. Fifteen minutes later, one of my closest friends and mentors asks me to live with her for the summer. And I'd live within a ten minute walk of three of my favorite people here in Redding - and they aren't leaving for the summer!

I am growing. God is faithful. He loves me and I love Him.

Goodnight!

I Live His Life

2010-05-25T21:07:00.001-07:00

I'm sitting in my darkened room and it's drizzling morosely outside. The only light is the glow from my wee computer screen and I should be long gone into the land of unconsciousness - but once more, I have a quick thought to share.

I was in worship tonight at Bethel and we were sang this song by Delirious called "History Maker". It sings about how we live for Him.

And as I sang, "I'm living for you, I'm gonna be a History Maker in this land, I'm gonna be a speaker of truth to all mankind, I'm gonna stand, I'm gonna run, into your arms, into your arms again" it was resonating so loudly inside of me, I was just flipping out. But then, God showed me something. I saw how God breathed His life into my bones. That it was His life that gave me the strength to move forward. That I do nothing on my own. I actually saw two pictures: one was all of me consumed by His spirit - His spirit flowing in and out of me and filling me with life. The other was when I was living my own life, by my own power, by my own spirit. And the picture of my life on my own steam was so much fainter, so much weaker.

And I saw how I don't live my life, I live His life. Whenever I lose sight of that fact, I'm living my life in my strength and I'll get worn down. But when I remember that it's HIS life in me, that HE is living through me, then I am able to be all that I was born to be. And it's by running into His arms, again and again, that I am able to continue. It's by total reliance on Him that I can do all that I'm called to do. I am living for Him, but it's through Him that I live and move. It's only by His strength that I can exist. I need to rely on Him fully and completely abandon the fallacy of being able to do anything apart from Him. I live His life. But His life is my life. We are one.

This isn't terribly polished, because I really don't have time to edit it for readability, but it's what's coming out of my heart right now. Night y'all.

Intensity; Coupled With Grace And Self Control - It's A Good Thing

2010-05-24T17:26:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling intense again. There are days when I'll suddenly hear this sentence or phrase in my heart and it just echos. And echos. The rest of my life may not realize it, but every area is affected by the fall out from that silent shout - everything is rearranged in some way. Adjusted to accommodate the expanding truth that is turning my world inside out.

It happened again tonight.

I was late for the night service at Bethel and only caught the tail end of the message, but the atmosphere in church was insane. Just heavy and waiting. Randall Worley was speaking and then he asked Bill Johnson to come up and pray for him. And it was at that moment that the gathering feelings crystallized into a sentence.

I want to manifest my Father to the world.

It was like I could see how Father God has been misrepresented. We go to church, we have worship services, we go on mission trips - all very good things, but some how the message comes across that our Father is shut off from us for long periods of time. That once church is over, He goes back to His room where He REALLY dwells. That if we want to feel His Presence, we have to gather in large groups and focus on Him really hard. We have to draw Him in.

Lies.

He tore the heavens open so He could come and fellowship with His children again. As much as I want to be aware of His Presence, He wants it even more. He longs for me waaaay more than I long for Him. He LONGS for me. Wow.

I want to manifest my Father all day, every day. All night. All day. Creation is groaning, the world is groaning, we are groaning, the Father is groaning. But I can' t offer it to the world until I realize it for myself - I can only give away what I've received. He. Longs. For. Me.

I am not alone. He is mine and I am His.

Poised On The Precipice

2010-05-13T22:44:00.000-07:00

I can feel it.

People don't realize how incredible God is. We talk about reflecting aspects of His personality, we talk about developing servant hearts - but I don't hear it taught that God is intoxicating.

He is.

Seriously, I mean it, He is. I never thought that God could satisfy. I thought that there would be things I'd have to go without or learn to live with out, but that's so wrong! That's NOT who He is! That's not what He's asking for!

I have brushed the merest surface of who God is and I am ruined. I really know now that I'll never be the same. And I try and I try to describe it - I really try!!! But religion has ruined the words I'd normally use and extreme-ism has ruined the more profound words as well. I'm trying to tell you practically, I don't go without. I'm telling you, once you discover Him for REAL - for real now, not some religious fervor or "do gooder" experience - it changes everything. I am free in ways I never thought I'd be. I am hungry in ways I never thought I'd be.

God is like pervasive silence. You don't even realize that He's seized you; then, suddenly, He's all throughout your being. There is a pause that stills everything within you and you're listening, listening; and then, somehow, you just KNOW. He is there! He is there and He has always been. He's in the wind, He's in your friends' laughter, He is in a sleeping child, He is in hard physical labor. God surrounds the atmosphere of your soul.

And once you realize that, you aren't smothered, you're treasured. You aren't confined - freedom is redefined for you. You find yourself in Him and through Him. And after that, you just want more. More of Him, more of Him released through you.

He is the kindest. He is the most hopeful. His fingerprints are creativity and light. We don't know Him, but He is everywhere.

All He asks for is for a moment, for an honest moment. It's not about your performance or my performance. It's not about having answers or good intentions the first time you sit with Him. He just wants a moment of truth with you, one moment where you can be together and be real. I won't say that He'll "fix" it all in a moment, though He could do that. The one thing I know for sure is that your moment will be different from my moment. What you'll do together in that moment is anyone's guess - but if you're truly honest, you will never be the same.

I started with one moment. Now I am transfixed and I know I'll never be the same.

A Few Thoughts On A Different Kind Of Lack Mentality

2010-05-12T23:27:00.000-07:00

I have revelation to share. =)

How many people know that the things that you think you want aren't always the things that you need?

When I was 10 or 11, my brother (Jeremy) went fishing with an adult friend of ours, I'll call him "Dave". While they were out, they ran into another friend, I'll call him "Steve". About ten minutes or so after Jeremy and Dave left Steve, they heard Steve calling for help. When they went to find out what was wrong, they discovered that Steve had broken his leg. Immediately, Dave went for help and my brother Jeremy had to stay with Steve and keep him calm.

This proved to be a difficult task, since Steve was convinced that the only thing he needed to do to feel better was to drag himself to the rushing water (and probably drown himself). So my brother spent the next half hour, physically restraining a grown man who was out of his head with pain. Why? Because what Steve wanted wasn't actually what Steve needed. People in pain do NOT have a clear idea of what they need to truly be healed.

I’ve been looking at the things that I thought I lacked in my life as I grew up. And I’ve come to the conclusion that I cannot steer my life by my lack. I cannot look at my life and decide which direction I’m going to go based on whatever I “perceive” that I’m missing.

I’ve thought, "Gee, I'm kind of awkward with guys a lot of the time, I need more guy relationships. I should build guy friendships, and acclimate." (To all my guy friends, stop freaking out. You should know by now how clinical I can be sometimes.) After the teaching today, I realize, nope. I'm fine. I may have been pretty bad with guys in the past, but I’m actually doing really well with my guy relationships out here. My boundaries are in the right places, and a friendship with a guy really SHOULDN’T look like a friendship with a girl. And why am I doing so well? Because God brought healing to my life and then brought healthy relationships into my life.

I’ve thought, "Gee, I need a spiritual father. I haven't had many in my life, I need more." Figured out today that I have a spiritual dad right now! And I had one in the last season of my life too! It's just that what God supplied for my needs didn't fit with what I THOUGHT I needed. Does that make sense?

I read this book called the Bonesetter's Daughter and God totally spoke to me through it. I related to the main character, Ruth. Ruth realized that the very thing she wanted most (love) and searched for everywhere, she didn’t know how to accept because she never expected to receive it. When she was offered love, she didn't recognize it, because it didn't look the way she expected it to look. And that very fact enabled its transformation and regression. Ruth had gotten used to feeling unwanted, leftover. She was so acquainted with the lack in her life, she couldn't see the increase even though it WAS truly present in her life.

I believe that can be true with any of us. It’s a different kind of lack mentality. When we do the whole introspection thing, all we do is memorize our faults, or our weaknesses, or lack. The lie is that by memorizing our lack, the fulfilled want will look so drastically different that we'll recognize it immediately! So NOT TRUE!! So not true.

I have felt like I've lacked intimacy and love in my life - but that's not true. The truth is when I was offered love, it scared me and I didn't trust it. God has offered me good things my whole life, He has supplied my emotional and physical and spiritual needs all along the way. Was the path always smooth? No. Were there periods of pain? Yes. But more often than not the supply He offered me I took with very little thankfulness because I didn’t recognize it as supply!!

Wah! Ok, so now we’ve identified an area of lack. Haha! What’s my strategy now? Aggressively stop my introspection, empower my friends and spiritual parents to speak into my life, and live aggressively, passionately thankful. Thankfulness will always guard you from the prideful spirit that dares to question God.

This wasn’t very polished, but it’s what I have coming out of my heart. Hope it helps someone!

Snacks in the Night and Philosophical Meanderings

2010-05-11T21:33:00.000-07:00

So, it's eleven thirty in Redding and I'm hungry. As I wait for the water to boil on my pasta (we eat late at Casa De Dogwood), I've been mulling over a couple of recent sermons I've heard.

In the last three months, I have struggled to savor and digest massive amounts of teaching. Just massive. You have no idea how amazing the teaching is at Bethel - unless you subscribe to ibethel.tv - and even then, you're missing out on home groups, small groups, revival groups, and just various and sundry bits of decadent revelations that random people share with you! It's amazing and just way, way, way too much to handle.

This affects me in two ways. One, I’m having to lean on God in a new way. I’m learning to trust Him to open the storehouses of my spirit and preserve all of this quality, exquisite revelation. I look at it like time release capsules – it will come back to me when I’m starving for something nourishing. (Not that I’m not going before God for my own daily revelations or bread, that’s not what I’m talking about, so no one have a cow, ok?) Thank God that His rhema is so infecting and withstands the test of time!

Two, I’m having God ask me, “What do you want to accomplish here Sam?” And He doesn’t want some generic “Umm, freedom? Peace?” answer. “What do you want, Sam?” It’s a question He asks me every so often, every time with life shaking results.

Because I can literally do anything that I want while I’m here. I can go to home groups every night, I can find people to play with, I can facebook the night away, I can go to the prayer house every day if I so choose. But what do I want? Why did I come here? And is it still the central desire of my heart?

Even tonight, I felt that same, “What do you want” nudge. I came home right after school and had a shower, then sat down with my pink NIV, fully intending to spend some time with God. But fifteen minutes in, welcome distractions knocked on my door! I could have gone to a party with my roommates (who entirely deserve a break, they are hardcore, homework heavyweights), I could have gotten into a water fight with my neighbors, I could have had dinner with some other neighbors. But again, what do I want?

I remember reading in one of Heidi Baker’s books this story of how they were ministering in a village, and there were people who walked three days without food and without water to hear them teach. The thing that breaks me is that they immediately lined up for the provisions the Bakers had brought with them – Bibles. They were literally starving, and would probably risk starvation again on the way home, but the line they got in first was for BIBLES.

I think that shows something about their hearts. They knew what they were really hungry for!! Hunger for organic food, well, that was a need, but they knew what they really wanted. They didn’t want a meal that would quell the ache for a few hours – they wanted the real food, the bread of life that would settle the issues of their souls!

So here’s the question again: what do I want to accomplish here? God, I want You. I want to line my toolbox with effective equipment and weaponry, I want to form relationships that challenge my comfort zone and last for the rest of my life – but so much more than that, I want YOU.

Jeremiah 15:16
When Your words came, I ate them; they were my joy and my heart’s delight, for I bear Your name, O Lord God Almighty.

Night y’all.

Back From The Land Of Nowhere...

2010-05-11T21:30:00.000-07:00

Haha, I'm BACK!!

Weird. I am so NOT who I was! This is going to be interesting.

For some of you, as you see the quantum leap God has done in my life it might be hard to reconcile. But let me be honest - God did it. I didn't work for this, I could not have effected this change if I'd gone to 20 years of counseling!

I've been posting some things on my Facebook, so I'm just going to re-post some of that. Hope you like it!! ^_^ Sam

Ten Seconds Inside Samantha's Head

2009-07-09T12:14:00.000-07:00

Holy Moses, I'm posting two days in row! Amazing!

So right now, I'm in the last five minutes of my break at work and all I can think about is the mooooooooooooove. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH. Next month. I. Leave. MY HOME!!! AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! What am I THINKING???!!!

I hope you weren't expecting something mature and interesting. I'm waaay too wired for that. *twitch*

Of course, God did take lots of people away from everything they knew and loved, across large stretches of land, when they owned next to nothing. And it seems like they were all better off for it. Kris Vallotton was just saying (on my ipod on the podcast I was listening to before I began panicking) that scripture verses aren't meant to be memorized - they are meant to be doorways to experiences. Whatever God has done with someone else, He'll do for you. Evidently.

I guess we'll find out? Won't we??!!

Hustle and Bustle

2009-07-08T18:40:00.000-07:00

Hey Y'all,

(Hmm. Is it "y'all" or "ya'll"?) I'm just sitting here, trying to create an update/support letter for my move to California and Bethel, and I'm driving myself nuts. I sat down to do one thing, and busied myself up with a thousand others, and everything that I'm doing I've judged to be garbage. Most annoying.

I suddenly decided that I needed a gmail account, so I'm going through the hassle of sending out emails to update everyone on that tidbit. I'm also kind of slow when it comes to technology, so figuring out the new layout is a bit daunting. Of course, once I looked at my inbox, I found four or five other things that absolutely HAD to be done. Then I got distracted by facebook, subsequently subscribed to a new blog, which leads me to my latest conundrum.

Should I make a new blog to be my personal blog for when I'm out in California?

Yes, I'm out of control. Someone help me.

My Old Nemesis

2009-05-23T21:04:00.000-07:00

(This is an old draft that I never published that was from before I left home. It's real and I think it's pretty good.)

Change. My old nemesis. Sigh.

You'd think that by now, I'd be ok with change. After all, it's a natural part of life. We're meant to move and grow and flow. Each day builds on the last. Blech.

Right now, it's like I'm in my solo boat, moving toward something new and different. At the same time, all around me, everyone else is flying off in different directions! It's a season of change, the time to take up new positions, and time to level up. The way I described it to my Mom, it's like we're in platoons, and we're all running in different formations. It looks scattered and swift and powerful from down here, but only the One watching from above sees the purpose and order to it all. It's cool, but it scares me.

I'm paddling my boat, trying to stay calm and just follow my orders, but I watch everyone else that I've walked with, fought with, trained with, LIVED with breaking off and dispersing. I want to be encouraging. I want to share their joy at their new assignments. I don't want to focus so much on my discomfort that I miss this precious time. But I'm scared.

And the really alarming thing is, there is NO going back! The things that were solid and comforting yesterday, are a raging river today! There is nothing that says that if I hold on here and fight for a feeling of security, that I'll actually find security here! Security is where God is, wherever He's leading me. I need to cling to Him, not to people.

I'm determined to keep learning, and growing.

Catching Up

2009-05-04T22:23:00.000-07:00

Ahhhhhhh the wonderful amazing-ness of mothers. =) They rock, right?

I have an especially fine one. She keeps me on my toes, sets the bar for me, and calms me down when I get too crazy and flighty. A couple of days ago she sent me an email reminding me that it's been over six months since I posted on this blog, so here I am!

Weeeeell. Life has been busy, very busy. My older brother is moving out of the house for the first time...and across the country! Haha, overkill, no? My sisters have one more year of college respectively, and then they'll be off starting their solo lives. And, it looks like change is coming to my life as well!

I've learned a lot in the last months. The biggest lesson has been about God's favor - I have it already, and I don't need to do anything to earn it. You know that scripture that talks about how God will supply all our needs according to His riches and glory in Christ Jesus? Yeah, well, I've always said that I believed that....BUT, I've majored in not needing that much. I've kept my expenses to a minimum, and trained myself to not want much of anything. I haven't asked God for much.

Now, I know that God wants me follow Him into new territory, and I can't go there without trusting Him. As I move forward, it's so easy to slip into old ways of thinking. My self protection/provision habits are so ingrained, it's taking conscious thought to change my patterns.

But I will do it! I was born for a purpose that is bigger than me! It's so big, I can't accomplish it without God! So I will learn, and I will learn, and I will relax into God's care - He's smarter than me anyway!!

YAY!!! Dave Duell!!!

2008-11-02T23:20:00.000-08:00

Guess what?? It's my BIRTHDAY on Sunday!! Woohoo!! Yeah! 23 years ancient and looking forward to the next year!

What is really fun is that I think God is giving me a flight of birthday surprises. Y'all know how much I love church right? (Duh.) Anyhoo, we have had two of my favorite ministers come into town in the last two weeks! And - try not to scream- my favorite minister of all time is FINALLY coming back to the area! The last time I was at a Dave Duell meeting, God set me free from a bunch of dark, tormenting junk. My whole life has been different since that meeting, so you can see why I'm so excited for Dave to come back!

=^_^= Don't worry, I'll post about the meetings! I'm expecting some great stuff!!

Photoshop For Memories? Hmmm!

2008-10-15T21:28:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking recently about how important stories are to me. They affect me in so many ways! Here's an undeniable fact: I am a sucker for true life, hilarious stories. I really enjoy sitting down with someone and hearing about their childhood and all the scrapes they got into! At the same time, I'm beginning to see that I've memorized my whole life and packaged it in a series of stories.

They are supposed to be funny stories; stories that I'd want to share with my kids to make them laugh or to teach them something or to encourage them, or to just plain scare them! Both of my parents tell stories about their childhoods and I want to do the same. But I realized something the other day: these sorts of personal life stories color the way I see my life!

I slant my stories a certain way, highlighting dramatic events depending on the purpose of the story. Spotlight on the interesting, downplay anything that slows the story down or doesn't agree with the thesis idea. It's not that I change facts in the story (I'm not lying or even trying to deceive.), but there is a definite slant to the story. Do you know what I mean? There is always the "conclusion"! I may come out and say what the conclusion is, or it may be unspoken, but point is, the stories are vivid because I've gone back and edited them!

My friend Sarah is an amazing photographer. I LOOOOOOVE looking at her pictures and I could pick her work out of a line up, easy-peasy. But there is a process that her raw pictures have to go through before she hands them on to the bride and groom. She edits them! Crop this picture, add more blue to that bride's eyes, add this filter, etc. Editing! The angle of the shot was genius, but to make the bouquet pop out of the picture, she had to change the whole color scheme of the picture! She picks what she wants to highlight.

Does anyone get what I'm saying? Or am I being too abstract?

I looked back at couple of my more unpleasant childhood memories with this new thought. Did so and so really say such and so with that special emphasis? Maybe that incident only stands out on the ribbon of my timeline because I colored every detail of that memory with such vivid colors. Maybe if I went back and looked at that memory now, it would just be a regular "bouquet" that I had to choose to highlight.

It's such an interesting idea. It made me take a look at my memories again and search for the hidden overall conclusion to the collection. I'm sad to say, I wasn't impressed with what I found.

I'm beginning to see that the devil wants to me to pass a certain judgment on my life. I don't want to agree with him on ANYTHING. (Other than it stinks to be him!) So now, I'm going back through my memories one more time. This time, I'm looking for the influence of God! Those moments when I knew that I deserved one thing and for some reason I received so much better, the times when something good and perfect was unexpectedly offered to me, and the many times He saved me and I didn't even notice that He was there. I want to redefine my life. Wanna see what I've come up with?

My life has been amazingly blessed, cover to cover, and I can always find something to be thankful for!!

Taking Advantage Of The Everlasting Arms

2008-07-31T05:36:00.000-07:00

I was driving home from work last night and feeling unsettled. It had been a rough day; had a couple of bad exchanges with coworkers, it seemed like nothing was set up the way it should have been for meals, and I was totally discouraged. I was in one of those moods where I'm frustrated, tired, and kind of mad at myself. You know what I mean?

I had some music playing in my car, but I was having a hard time listening to it. It was that song by Sanctus Real called, “I’m Not Alright”. The first part of the song says “If weakness is a wound that no one wants to speak of, then cool is just how far we have to fall. I am not immune. I only want to be loved, but I feel safe behind the firewall. Can I lose my need to impress? If you want the truth, I need to confess…” And then into the chorus of “I’m not alright”

Well, as I was listening, started feeling like I needed to talk to God. I started to tell Him, “I want to be loved, but I feel safest all bottled up to myself. God, I’m feeling really blaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh right now.”

He was like, ‘Sam, you need to rest with me.'

“Yeah, about that - I don’t really know how to make myself rest with You.”

And then I saw this image of a young child who is fussing and fussing. I could tell that there was really something wrong, but every time the parent tried to pick the baby up, the baby would just keep fussing, or worse, scream louder. It was heart breaking. The parent was trying to help the baby, but the baby wasn’t accepting comfort. It was like the baby didn’t trust the parent.

If you ignore a baby’s cries when it’s small, the baby learns that it’s not ok to have problems. That if she tries to let others know that she’s unhappy, uncomfortable, scared, tired, hungry, no one cares.

I know the baby represented an attitude in me. I know in a “I can support this with scripture” way that God wants to help me, but I struggle with trusting Him. One of the first things God taught me when I rededicated my life to Him was, “When you’re unhappy, Sam, CRY.” Now I'm learning that I need to accept comfort once I’ve cried. To do that, I have to face a mindset that I have: I can tell God my problems, but that doesn’t mean that He’s going to help me!

Philipians 4:4-7
Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

“Sam, you need to look for my arms. When you’re crying, look around for my arms. I’m going to comfort you, if you’ll let me.”

Hmm. “Well, God, I’m kind of driving right now…soooo.” And then I realized what a beautiful evening it was. It was the sort of skyline that you had to see to believe, and there was a lovely breeze. It was a very (dare I say it?) soooothing sort of evening. And then to top it all off, I started to hear the intro to a particular Klaus Kuhn song in my head.

“Ok, God.” I flipped my ipod over to my Klaus Kuhn folder and began to listen to the song "Psalm 23". As the first strains filled the car, I could feel all the muscles in my neck start to loosen and, better yet, I started to feel peace way down deep. Then, I saw that baby slumped on her dad’s shoulder, finally relaxed. Finally at peace. Finally comforted.

(Note: I’m not a supporter of repeatedly confessing that I’m broken inside. I like POSITIVE confessions – but sometimes, when I’m with very close friends or talking to God there is a need to be factual in a soul baring sort of way. It’s a balance that each person has to walk for themselves, and it’s not as difficult to judge as it sounds.)

OUCH!!!!

2008-06-22T22:01:00.000-07:00

Today, I went to church, ran the camera, went to lunch with my family, worked for five hours, and then went to pick up my sister from a friend's house. By the end of the day, my back was AGONY.

I don't have back trouble. I've never stressed my back, pulled anything, slept on a bad matress for more than a week (can't control the vacation beds!), or struggled with sciatica. But this - this was serious. It hurt to drive home.

I went upstairs and lay down on Abby's bed. (My youngest sister.) She has a very firm, supportive mattress and I figured it would be best for the situation. Not so much. Once I lay down, I couldn't get up!! This was quickly becoming an "AAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE!!!" situation!

What could I do? I have to be back at work on Tuesday and willing to stand for eight hours straight. At the time I was thinking about these facts, I couldn't sit up straight without panic inducing pain.

My only hope. "Jesus, I need help." Bam, the next thought: Jeremy's going to be home in an hour, have him pray for you.

Luke 4:40
When the sun was setting, all those who had any that were sick with various diseases brought them to Him; and He laid His hands on every one of them and healed them.

John 3:16
For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, than whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.

Well, Jeremy got home about twenty minutes ago. He came straight upstairs and prayed for me. I got up and began walking around. At first, I couldn't stand up straight or support much of my own weight. Then, as he kept praying, the pain started flowing out of my legs. Just kept growing less and less and less. I was able to stand on my own. I was able to straighten my back. I was able to sit down and stand up again. I was able to WALK DOWN STAIRS.

Jesus healed me. Wasn't mind over matter. Wasn't pain medication (not that I'm saying stop taking medications!!). It wasn't some wacko voodoo trick. Jesus loves me. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. I'm able to write this down because Jesus healed me.

A Brazen Posting

2008-06-07T21:38:00.000-07:00

There are times when I realize that I shield my vulgar humanity from God's view. You know what I mean? The coarser side, the dirtier flaws. There's an idea lurking that I need to work on those things on my own for a bit and get them tidied up before I can let God have a go at them. Like God would be offended or surprised by anything I did!! Ha!

I like to think that I post helpful things on here. That I'm willing to post about the lessons that I've learned that trained my "uglier" side. But a friend of mine just posted a story that totally blows my illusion of transparency out of the water.

It's gritty, it's strongly worded, it's uncensored. But I honestly believe that it touches on a topic that we need to think about. Don't be offended. Hear the message. Grow.

Check it out.

Heart Health

2008-06-07T21:06:00.000-07:00

This is an outline for a teaching that I did with my church's young women's group. Hope ya like it!

Heart Health

Heart health isn’t something anyone should pursue and practice on his/her own. God should be involved in the process every step of the way. Without the Holy Spirit's involvement, we can hurt ourselves by being too critical, judgmental, and condemning. So before you get started, I'd like to encourage you to ask God for help!

Matt. 11:25-30 & John 17:20-26

I. Importance of Heart Health

a. We live our lives from our hearts.

1) From the fullness of the heart, the mouth speaks. (Matt. 12:34)

2) Decisions start in the heart. (Do an online search, check out the stories!)

b. God sows His seed in our hearts! Our hearts are our personal vineyards. Are they prepared and well tended? (Matt. 13:11-23)

II. How do you know if your heart is sick? (I’d like to mention that there are varying degrees of heart sickness: Slight heart cold to more serious. Doesn’t just have to be super serious.)

a. DUH.

b. DUH. (I think most of us can diagnose when our hearts are sick)

c. Are you depressed?

d. Are you struggling with anger issues/rage?

e. Is there someone that you’re refusing to forgive? (Could be YOURSELF!!!)

f. Plagued by baaaad thoughts?

g. Is your imagination negative and stagnant?

h. Would you say that you’re a pessimist?

i. Do you have hurts that you refuse to acknowledge, much less ask God to heal?

j. Do you have trouble sharing your heart with ANYONE AT ALL?

III. Meds for Your Heart.

a. Get Choo’s Eyes On JESUS!!

1) Ps. 16:8-11 I have set the Lord always before me. Because he is at my right had, I will not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure. Because you will not abandon me to the grave, nor will you let your Holy One see decay. You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.

b. Spend time in the presence of God. Nothing is more healing than the presence of God! He is Love! His words can unravel knots in us, suture the daily cuts of every day life, and answer our hearts' most agonizing questions.

c. Worship God on your own time and in your own way.

1) Philippians 4:4-7 Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

d. Ask God what He thinks of you. People will always try to redefine you. They'll try and tell you who you are. Without realizing it, we accept a certain percentage of what they say, and we lose our center. God can bring us back to peace and certainty about who we are. (He's never condemning, so don't be scared to ask!)

e. Be THANKFUL!! Write up a list of past victories that God has brought you through! Write a thank you note to God!

f. Speak in tongues. (1Cor 14:4)

g. Use your imagination for good! Philippians 4:8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy- think on these things!

h. Act like you know what you’re doing. Be a copycat.(Evaluate friendships. I'm not saying drop the all your old friends! I AM saying hang out with the friends who are encouraging and loving to you, the friends who challenge you to grow in good ways!) Philippians 4:9 Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me – put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

i. Forgive. Release the people and pains that you’re holding in your heart. These wounds get septic. (As Oprah says, "Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die!") Ask God to show you the hurts you’ve kept hidden, and then let Him heal them.

j. Make a confession. Doesn't have to be long; the shorter the better actually. Write up a paragraph that makes good statements about yourself. (Example: I'm healthy, I'm strong, I'm more than a conqueror all day long.) Base it on scripture to remind yourself of the promises of God!

What Is Glory?

2008-05-14T19:31:00.000-07:00

Proverbs 25:2 NIV
It is the glory of God to conceal a matter; to search out a matter is the glory of kings.
John 17:20 NIV

Glory

Check It Out!! Do It!!

2008-05-03T10:02:00.000-07:00

When I started this blog, I added a section called "My Favorites". I added it because I wanted people to have a resource - a special list that, no matter what you clicked on, you found something that was meaningful and encouraging. The funny thing is, I didn't realize that I'd be utilizing it as much as I do!!

I want to introduce my latest addition to this list because it's super special. It is called "Dwelling In The Secret Place" and it is the blog of Schlyce Jimenez, a wonderful minister and a cool woman.

Schlyce has been a signpost for change in my life! The first time I met her, she spoke at my church and (for me) her dynamic message fell so EXTREMELY flat that I knew something was wrong! Hahaha! I talked with God about it, and as a result, He showed me deep-seated beliefs I held that were completely wrong. It was a revelation about the kind of father He is, and refusing disappointment. (Check out the blog post here.)

It's only gotten better from there. I've had encouraging words from her that gave me the strength to keep pressing forward in difficult seasons. She has exemplified the sort of father-daughter relationship that I want with God. And on top of all of that, she's so relatable and REAL that it's impossible for me to fall into the trap of discouraging comparisons (i.e. "She's so much better than me!!"). To put it in layman's terms: She rocks.

Check out the link, read her blog, look into her ministry, and be blessed. God is pouring seriously good things through her. Don't miss out!

Journal Entry

2008-04-17T05:55:00.000-07:00

April 15, 2008

God, why do I have such a hard time apologizing without rationalizing or "sharing the blame"? Why can't I just apologize and leave it there?

Sam, when you feel wronged, you get puffed up inside. You don’t just get hurt, you get angry. And then, no matter how much you say that you believe that I’ll accept you in any condition, you still hesitate to listen to my words. It becomes hard for you to believe that you’re hearing from me. That’s why the enemy wants you to stay in a constant state of “hurting”.

I’m here Sam. I haven’t left you. I’m not despairing over your attitude or level of maturity. Trust me Sam. When I say something, I mean it and I don’t take it back.

You think you have to defend yourself when you're hurt. You use anger as energy to fight for yourself and then you feel badly. Why do you feel badly? Because your spirit knows that you aren’t defeated and you don't need to defend yourself. The devil is a liar. See yourself as loved Sam. See yourself as loved by me.

Humbling yourself is agreeing with Me, Sam. Just agree with Me. So what if you’re not always right? You’re best friends with someone who is!!

Praise is key Sam. Just praise me and remember my face. I see you as clean, pure, holy, and whole. Wholly righteous. You are complete; complete in me. I’ll hold your hand and never leave you.

Hope this helps!! ^_^

Oh Can Anybody Show Me? The REAL Jesus??!

2008-02-26T16:20:00.000-08:00

Matthew 16:15
"But what about you?" He asked. "Who do you say I am?" Simon Peter answered, "You are the Christ, the Son of the living God."

Mark 8:29
"But what about you?" He asked. "Who do you say I am?" Peter answered, " You are the Christ."

Luke 9:20
"But what about you?" He asked. "Who do you say I am?" Peter answered, "The Christ of God.

God highlighted these verses for me in Guatemala. It's significant. Like, who do I say Jesus is?

God is the same yesterday, today, and forever. At the same time, He's such a multifaceted Being - a fact that is reflected in the many names of God! What I felt the Lord telling me was, if I'm constantly coming to Him and only recognizing ONE specific aspect, I'm short changing myself.

In every situation, WHO do I say Jesus is? In the morning when I wake up, who is Jesus? When my car makes funny noises, who is Jesus? When I'm hungry and looking for a good place to eat, who is Jesus? In good times, who is Jesus? In bad times, who is Jesus?

Who do YOU say Jesus is?

(For all the suspect grammar, I deeply apologize.)

The Business of Growing Straight

2008-02-19T15:04:00.001-08:00

So, I've been in Guatemala for a little over a week now. It's been an amazing trip. I'm so grateful to Rebecca Collins and Vida Ilumitada for inviting me.

I feel like I've quietly grown since coming here. I get up early in the morning, and when I take the laundry up to the lines on the roof the sky is beautiful. The world is so quiet, the only ones that seem to be stirring are the birds and the bugs. It's a chance for me to be quiet and consider my Father and His wonderful, gentle nature and goodness.

I've known from the beginning that part of this trip was about getting away and being alone with God. I love my church and my friends, but I've let the focus of spending time with God shift to getting answers for others and asking for wisdom for service. Good stuff, but my relationship with Him was refreshing and lively when I went into His presence mainly to enjoy time with my Father.

It’s so easy to say that God is the most important person in your life and believe in the idea... But it’s not really true. I used to spend a couple hours, just hanging out with God in my closet. Some times we’d listen to music, some times we’d talk, some times I’d just sit and listen. THAT was what brought growth in me. But more importantly, I was just loving God. I want my relationship with Him to be just that simple again. Nothing more, nothing less.

I could list all the benefits of those times, but I don’t want to. The truth is that God gives you gifts when you visit with Him. You’ll always come away with more than you had when you entered your quiet place. That’s just the kind of Father He is! He loves to show us things, delight us, and inspire awe in our hearts. You can’t spend time with Him without being changed. But if you’re always going to Him looking for the present, looking for the change, looking for the effect... Very quickly the quality of your times together go downhill. I know because that’s what happened to me.

There are any number of excuses I used to justify the change in my attitude when I came before Him. He was never mad, and always helped me with whatever I needed help with. And, hey, He still used me to minister to people. But I started to get sick-hearted. Very me-focused. Very stressed.

You know? Maybe you know what that feels like? It’s blehh. All I needed was time in a place where I had no excuses! That was all it took! (So I had to leave the country to do that... Those who love me say I’m dramatic!) No one needs me to pray for them in Guatemala; sheesh, most don’t speak English.

I pray this lesson gets way down deep into my heart. I pray that it so basically changes who I am that I’ll never be the same. I pray that I grow straight and strong, with motives that are pure, and priorities in the proper order. And may I never leave the shadow of His presence.

Goodnight!
Sam

Hi From Guatemala!!

2008-02-17T12:24:00.000-08:00

Just thought I'd give you guys an update! Guatemala is BEAUTIFUL!! Mountains everywhere, stray dogs everywhere, very falling apart charming. Like I've said in more than one email, this place looks like something out of a travel magazine! (Not really what I expected for a mission trip, but hey, I'm not complaining!)

I'm staying with my friend Rebecca, who is a full time missionary to Guatemala. The ministry that she is partnering with provides a home for orphans and runs the school the children attend. Valentine's Day was the school's anniversary, so they had a concert and a party! There were games, songs, cake, and to top it all off a pinata! It was a lot of fun.

I'm taking lots of pictures and I'll be coming home on Saturday, so keep an eye out for a slideshow!

Love you all!
Sam
World Traveler

REWIND: A Quick Thought On Boldness!

2008-01-17T19:46:00.000-08:00

~What is boldness? It's daring to throw yourself out onto the promises of God. To believe that He has only good things in store for you, and refusing to accept anything less. It's forgeting about yourself, and your image, and your reputation, and YOU. It's facing rejection, not once, not twice, but daily. It's living on the edge; refusing to settle, back down, become complacent, or stop taking ground. Man, what a lifestyle.~

The above is something I posted several months ago. It's kind of funny, when I'm feeling down, or discouraged, I'll often go back and look at things that I've posted before! It's such a surprising encouragement - I love it.

At the end of last year, I was invited to go to Guatemala in February and visit my best friend. (This will be my first mission trip!) When I prayed about it, I felt like the Lord very clearly said, "Yes, go." So since early November, I've been preparing to leave.

Every step of the way, no matter how simple the step there have been OBSTACLES. And through out a pervasive sense of "rush, rush, rush, hurry, hurry, hurry...Sam! You're holding everyone up!!" Clearly, it's the enemy.

I'm finding it so hard not to indulge in severe discouragement. I keep reminding myself that God is watching over me, that He's directing my steps, but I think my "Word levels" are low. So I guess my suggestion to anyone who is facing difficulties right now: DO be faithful in spending some time in the Word every day! Reading encouraging scriptures recharges your batteries and keeps your heart in the place of rest that God has prepared for every believer! (Speaking of rest, I think I'm going to go do that right now....!)

I post this scripture a lot, but it's so TRUE!! Chew the cud with me:

Jeremiah 29 :11-13
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

Miriam: The Smart Older Sister

2008-01-06T22:30:00.000-08:00

Do you ever think about the story of Moses from Miriam's viewpoint? I was thinking about that tonight and I realized something (aka God pointed something out to me); Miriam let her Mother put Moses in a basket in a river.

That's right. Think about that!! She actually let her Mother place her baby brother in a basket in the NILE. That just blows my mind.

I never thought about it like that before. Man, if that had been me, I would have fished my little brother out of the river and tried to make a run for it with him all by myself. I also would have been angry with my mother for committing what I would have viewed as infanticide! But if Miriam had taken Moses out of the river, it was very likely that he would have been killed. Someone would have caught her with him before she could get out of Egypt (duh, since they were slaves!) and Moses would have been toast.

But Miriam was bright enough to leave her brother where he was. She didn't abandon him, but she didn't take control of the situation.

I'm protective. I'm also loyal. I'm also a control freak. I hear a sweet motherly woman saying "Awww..." but the truth is that particular combination when it's not Spirit-led is pretty lethal.

Miriam stayed close by and available, but she didn't butt in until God nudged her to. Man! I could sure take some lessons for her. It's so hard to leave someone in what seems to be a dangerous situation when you're as nosy as I am. But that's why you have to be close to God. Because sometimes people have to reach a low point before they cry out to God on their own. Sometimes they have to drown a little before they reach out to God from their hearts. If you keep propping them up and propping them up, that baby will never grow beyond baby food. And I doubt that child will walk on it's own, much less swim!

God is always involved. I guess what I'm saying (and I seriously need to learn this RIGHT NOW) is wait until He tells you to do something before you intervene. Release your loved one to God. 'Cause what looks to be a dangerous situation may just be the boat ride to salvation!

1Cor. 1:19
For it is written: "I will destroy the wisdom of the wise; the intelligence of the intelligent I will frustrate."

1Cor. 2:9&10
However, it is written: "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him"-- but God has revealed it to us by his Spirit. The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God.

Psalm 119:1-8 NIV (A Personal Closer Look)

2007-12-25T22:17:00.000-08:00

Aleph
1 Blessed are they whose ways are blameless, who walk according to the law of the Lord.
2 Blessed are they who keep his statutes and seek him with all their heart.
3 They do nothing wrong; they walk in his ways.
4 You have laid down precepts that are to be fully obeyed.
5 Oh, that my ways were steadfast in obeying your decrees!
6 Then I would not be put to shame when I consider all your commands.
7 I will praise you with an upright heart as I learn your righteous laws.
8 I will obey your decrees; do not utterly forsake me.

I've been talking with a guy who is a close friend of mine and he's been kind of struggling with his own perception of right and wrong. Everyone has standards for his or her own life. It's like a person's own line in the sand. Example: I'll get super mad at my Mom and be disrespectful, but I won't hit someone in anger. Or: I'll drive five miles over the speed limit, but I won't make illegal left turns. Personal perception of right and wrong and all the varying degrees therein.

I'm hearing someone think, "So what?" Well, we've just identified a form of "law". Only this law is human law, carnal law, Sam's law of relatively bad behavior. And this kind of law gives us trouble!

My friend was considering doing something, and was running into some difficulty going ahead with it with a clear and easy heart. One reason for worry was that he was concerned with what others would think, what others would say. Another reason for worry, an even bigger one in my opinion, was that he wasn't sure whether God considered what he was about to do a sin. Frustrated, he said, "I wish there was a list of do's and don'ts! Then I wouldn't have to worry about anything!"

I've felt like that before. We get into this formulaic mindset, where all we want is a list of rules. Just a list of rules, so that it's easy. Don't have to think about it, don't have to go ask God about anything, just consult the list and go on living our own lives.

Ps. 119:
1 Blessed are they whose ways are blameless, who walk according to the law of the Lord.
2 Blessed are they who keep his statutes and seek him with all their heart.
3 They do nothing wrong; they walk in his ways.

The problem with wanting a list like that is that it isn't easy. The Israelites could tell us how NOT easy it was. Things happen, and there are so many variables to deal with in actual, real life situations that a concrete rule can't allow for. When we're rules focused we're also sin conscious, so we're missing it there too!

Man! Harsh!

There is hope though! In Galatians 5:1 it says: "It is for FREEDOM that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yolk of slavery." What were we set free from? Sin and death!! And what was the yolk that harnessed us to our sins? LAW!! The law condemned us. So what did God do? He didn't just make a bunch of add-ons and adjustments to the law, He sent Jesus to take the punishment in our place, and gave us a new law, a simpler law, a law that established grace, mercy, and relationship as the rule!!

How many of you hate when you call customer service and get those automated things? "For problems with the billing department, press one. For the claims department, press 2." I get SO frustrated when my problem doesn't fit their list!! I'm always so RELIEVED to talk to a live person, I end up being so sweet and nice, I almost don't get my issue resolved!! Think of your life like that. God wanted to take out the inflexibility of "The LAW" and instead deal with you one-on-one!

Paul said it like this:
Galatians 5:4-6 You who are trying to be justified by law have been alienated from Christ; you have fallen away from grace. But by faith we eagerly await through the Spirit the righteousness for which we hope. For in Christ Jesus neither circumcision nor uncircumcision has any value. The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love.

Galatians 5:16
So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law.

My advice to my friend? Talk to God!! Get to know God!! Ask Him what is good and upright. Seek Him, get to know Him, learn to love Him, and then you won't be asking for a list! You'll be naturally serving God and doing what is right.

Lastly:
Ephesians 5:8-9
For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness, and truth) and find out what pleases the Lord.

Chewing The Cud (Translating Meditation From Christianese Into Plain English)

2007-11-21T18:03:00.000-08:00

Hee hee, I LOVE that title!! Love it. (On a side note, I need to write a book and include the sentence, "The grill was a screaming sea of grease.")

Today, at work, while I prepared a vast quantity of pork chops I listened to the sermon from Sunday's service (Making Disciples). And, it was funny and frustrating, bits and pieces of the sermon kept popping out at me. It was like they were highlighted on the inside of my heart. There was one part in particular that I kept rewinding and listening to again and again. I tried very hard to figure out what I was trying to understand or what I was on the verge of discovering, but, whatever it was, it remained shapeless and flighty, just out of my reach.

But the experience got me thinking. Meditation is SO important! It seems kind of boring and mundane, but the process of focusing on one scripture, or one thought from the bible, or one part of a sermon is like exercising. As you look at the scripture from different angles and really lean into thinking about it, the Holy Spirit is right there. It's like, you're doing chin ups, and as you pull up, when you get your chin over the bar, He pops something sweet in your mouth to reward your work.

I was tempted to email my pastor and question him until he gave me the discovery that my spirit was working on. But as I considered it, the image of a chick chipping it's way out of its shell popped into my mind. If someone comes along and helps the chick out, does all the work for it, then the chick will grow up weak. It won't have developed the muscles that it needs. I think meditation is like that. Sometimes, we need to figure out things for ourselves. Not just take whatever has been fed to us, but root around for our own food.

Anyway, check out the sermon. It was GOOD.

Visiting My Friends' Church

2007-11-12T17:55:00.001-08:00

I went to a service at my friends' new church "Shift" and afterwards we were all sitting around just talking. After a bit, I realized how PASSIONATE I am about God. And the more I find out about Him, the more I love Him. Gah, that sounds so sappy, but it's true.

Mrs. Collins posted on her blog about knowing God and it hit my heart just the right way. (Click here to read it!) I'd love to restate everything she said, but honestly, she said it best. So read it!!

Hebrew 8:10-12: This is the covenant I will make with the house of Israel after that time, declares the Lord. I will put my laws in their minds and write them on their hearts. I will be their God, and they will be my people. No longer will a man teach his neighbor, or a man his brother, saying, 'Know the Lord,' because they will ALL know me, from the least of them to the greatest. For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more."

Wow.

2007-10-23T19:39:00.000-07:00

I didn't even see this until a few seconds ago, but check it out. It's amazing.

April Showers

Ooo, and this too: 10/21/07, Schlyce Jimenez - Living By Grace.

http://www.familylife.cc/sermons.html

Click 'em. I dare you. ^_^

When You Have Nothing Good To Say...

2007-10-23T19:11:00.000-07:00

I've been reading the book that I got from Kenneth Copeland Ministries, the one that has all the daily bible studies/deep thought of the day's. It's an interesting read, and it definitely sticks in your head. It's not unusual for me to find myself mulling over something I read several days after I read it!

Like this: "Patience is the power twin of faith." At first, it stuck with me just because I though it was hilarious! Like, "Pastor Copeland, let me guess. You watch the power rangers with your grandkids, right? It's starting to creep into your semi-sermons..." (Heheh....)

But I keep hearing that phrase in my head. Not because it's hilarious, but because it's true.

I'm experiencing something I've never experienced before. I don't have a short term vision that I'm steering towards. And it's frustrating, annoying, and tiring. I'm a visual person, I have a vivid, active imagination, and I love daydreaming. Since turning my life over to God, I've seen just about all of my imaginations come true. I've gotten used to expecting the things that I'm dreaming about come to fruition pretty quickly. To suddenly have nothing looming on the horizon is very disconcerting. =\

I don't want to waste my time dreaming about things that aren't "on the approved list" with God. And it would be a waste! Why daydream about something that doesn't fall into line with what I was created to be/do?

So for now, I'm just waiting. I've decided to keep on doing the things that I know have life in them, that are good, and trust that God will show me what to do at some point. This is where patience comes in. I know that God has good plans for me, and I know that this spot, this time is temporary.

Just Some Encouraging Scriptures

2007-09-30T23:51:00.000-07:00

Is. 40:11
He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young.

Is. 40:28-31
Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grown tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be fail.

Drama!!

2007-09-14T21:14:00.000-07:00

So I thought I'd update you all on my new job. Let me allay all your fears, I LOVE my new job!!

It's hilarious actually, 'cause like everyone speaks Spanish and I don't, and I'm the youngest and the only female, and it's just a riot! Most of the time I have no idea what they are laughing about, I have only a hazy idea of what I'm supposed to be preparing, and I'm completely certain that I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be.

Also, ladies, let me say this. Lots of people like to say that anywhere there's estrogen there's also drama, but guess what! The same is true of the stronger sex!! Where I work, the men far out number the women, and they have their own soap operas going on all the time. Because of this fact, I cut the sandwiches a different way for every person I work with, my station is never set up the same way twice in a row, and I NEVER air my opinion!!! Haha!!

Ahh, The Responsibilities Of Focused Blogging!!

2007-09-03T11:27:00.000-07:00

Some of you may have noticed that some of the blog links I posted when I started this blog aren't available any more. Well, that's because this blog has a pretty focused purpose. I want this blog to have things that uplift and encourage people. It's supposed to be a spot where folks can find things that bring life, inspiration, and blessing.

As time passes a lot of blogs change. While I may still read them and enjoy them, they aren't the right fit for this blog anymore. So, yup, that's the editing process this blog goes through. =)

~ The Editor

IMPORTANT!! =D

2007-08-18T15:48:00.000-07:00

Check this out: "Run". I feel like this is seriously important, that if you seize this and let this be the encouragement that you needed to push on and NOT STOP, you'll go so much further than you ever imagined possible.

This is a season where things are happening quickly. Where before we've had obstacles and seemingly immoveable mountains blocking us, in this season breakthrough can come overnight. The enemy is going to throw up as many challenges as possible, trying to slow us down and trick us into taking our eyes off of the glory that's infront of us. Crazy things might happen, but they don't have any substance. Like I said to my friend one Sunday, it's like no matter what happens (no matter how nuts!) wait two days and victory is obvious! Don't be discourage by anything, don't let anything slow you down, push forward and accomplish as much as you can! Take ground, take ground, TAKE GROUND!!

Be fruitful and be mindful of the season! This is a time for increase, take FULL advantage of it!!

Job Update

2007-08-17T17:39:00.000-07:00

GOT THE JOB!!!!!!!! HOO HOO!!

After a bit of delay (and learning to hold tight to peace even when nothing looks stable), my new boss got back to me today and offered me a position in their kitchen!! I'm very excited, obviously! Haha!!

I'm not quite sure which day will be my last day at Starbucks. Either I'll finish out this weekend and start my new job around the middle of next week, or I'll work at Starbucks through this pay period and start at my new job around the 25th.

God has blessed me so much. He's been expanding my horizons, showing me things inside myself I didn't even know were there, and encouraging me to leap farther. I will never again say that I don't feel like God is real or that He doesn't love me. He's proved His heart towards me, and I will never turn back!! God is GOOD!! Haha!!

^_^

Sam

Leaps of Faith

2007-08-09T20:48:00.000-07:00

For the last year, the Lord has been training me for my future. He's been gentle and calm with me, so I haven't had a hard time trusting Him. I've been able to see where He was going with each decision and change to my schedule. The only thing that has been growing and stretching is my idea of what I can do and what gifts I have. I've been able to see the conclusion of every step and pretty much knew where He was leading me.

Until now.

One day a couple weeks ago, I was in my bed and almost asleep when my Mom knocked on my door. It was pretty late and everyone knew I had work in the morning, so I was startled by the knocking on the door! But Mom had a cell phone in her hand and my Dad was on the other end and he had news for me. Evidently, one of the customers he was driving (my dad works at a limo company) worked for an assisted living facility and this place needed an extra hand in their restaurant.

Every other time I've tried to consider leaving Starbucks, I've always gotten a serious and firm "No." when I brought the idea to God. I was more than ready for another stop light, so it was shocking to feel like I was supposed to interview! Once I registered that, I still had an onslaught of "I don't know if I'm what they're looking for... Maybe I'll get freaked out by working around all those old folks...." Still, very persistent, was the impression I was supposed to go interview.

So I did. (There is WAAAAAAAAAAAY more to the story, a series of incidents that were obviously God-arranged, but I'm not going to tell all of that right now.) I interviewed on Monday, and I'm supposed to hear back from them tomorrow.

I'm just sitting here, thinking about my life for the past year and a quarter, and I'm realizing I have no idea what this next step is leading to. I have no idea if I'll get the job. Normally, I'd be freaking out, or at least very unsettled, but all is calm and quiet inside. I've been hearing the call of God to start leaping without looking and it's been very cool to begin practicing. I may not be able to see where I'm going to land, but that's fine. This is exactly the kind of trust I need to develop.

One more time:

Jeremiah 29 :11-13 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

God is good!

Burning Barlowgirl??? (Teasing, of course!)

2007-07-17T21:45:00.001-07:00

I've been going through a period of change recently. It's cool actually, when I'm not exhausted! Haha!! But during these times of transition, it's easy to lose focus and forget the reason behind all the diligence, patience, and hard work. When I'm completely exhausted, a little depressed, and feeling spent, I like to listen to music! Songs with powerful lyrics that speak directly to my situation or what I've left behind work as a quick charge for my batteries.

In the old testament, I remember that the priest were responsible for making sure that a certain fire never went out. In good weather and in bad, they had to tend that thing and make sure it survived no matter what. I feel like my hunger and love for God is the same sort of fire. I have to watch over it, and make sure that it's well fed, and roaring! A good song can act like nice, dry firewood on a windy day. My spirit seizes it and my soul is refreshed! So on those lines, here's one of my favorite songs by Barlowgirl, compliments of YouTube. (Please forgive the quality of video, seemed like all the other videos with this song featured Harry Potter!! Hahaha!!)

A Word On Worship

2007-07-09T13:04:00.001-07:00

When bad things happen, it's so tempting to stare down the problem. To weigh it, measure it, analyze it, dissect it, and then try to come up with a solution. I can get so absorbed in my mental processes that I can't see anything but the problem. When this obsessing gets crazy, I've found that the best thing I can do when things go wrong is to worship God.

See, worship isn't just singing songs and feeling solemn inside. It's a way to change what I'm paying attention to. It's redirecting my focus off of MYSELF and MY PROBLEMS onto God.

When I'm consumed with my stuff and myself, I believe it's a form of worship. The problem has first dibs on my attention, it consumes my thoughts, I might change my normal routine to give extra attention to the problem, and I'll expend any amount of energy in deference to the problem. That's really messed up!

I've been reading this book by Bill Johnson called "Strengthen Yourself In The Lord" (another book I highly recommend!!) and here's what he says on the subject:

"Instead of focusing on God's greatness in my life, I was focusing on myself. I was actually agreeing with the enemy by making my own problems bigger than God's promises. And my agreement invited that cloud of oppression to hover over me."

Worshiping God forcibly changes my focus. Instead of magnifying the problem, I magnify God (who is worthy of all honor and attention). And it's not about worshiping God to change the situation, it's just focusing on the truth! I have a Father who loves me, who is looking out for my best, and if I keep my eyes on Him and listen for Him in all situations, I can't help but be blessed!! No weapon formed against me or my loved ones can prosper!

This is the truth. Instead of focusing on facts, I'll focus on truth. As my pastor says, "Facts can't affect the truth, but the truth can always change the facts!"

A Quick Thought On Boldness

2007-07-05T22:06:00.000-07:00

What is boldness? It's daring to throw yourself out onto the promises of God. To believe that He has only good things in store for you, and refusing to accept anything less. It's forgeting about yourself, and your image, and your reputation, and YOU. It's facing rejection, not once, not twice, but daily. It's living on the edge; refusing to settle, back down, become complacent, or stop taking ground.

Man, what a lifestyle.

A REALLY Great Quote

2007-07-05T20:03:00.000-07:00

"In worship, the sacrifice is no longer physical expression or verbal declarations. We are the sacrifice. Fire always falls on sacrifice. And when we are the sacrifice, we cannot help but be changed."

=)
Sam

Laughter Doeth Good....

2007-06-24T23:43:00.000-07:00

When I was about 10 or 11, my Mom bought me a Life Application Study Bible. That was the first Bible I enjoyed reading. For a few years, it was my Bible translation of choice (sorry, little pink NIV), but in recent years, I've been more of an Amplified or NIV enthusiast. Tonight I was doing a little study and decided to look a verse up in the LASB. That's when I found this BEAUT of a verse:

Psalm 119:73
You made me; you created me. Now give me the sense to follow your commands.

!!!

^_^

5 Questions

2007-06-19T20:21:00.000-07:00

So today I bought something for someone. I'd been thinking about buying it for a while and when I gave it to this person, she was like, "Wow, praise the Lord!" It was very cool, and I was happy I'd given it to her. But her response started me wondering if God had wanted me to buy this certain something for her. And that train of thought got going and expanded to something bigger.

I decided to give everyone a peek into the mind of Sam and pose some questions. This is basically how my train of thought went:

1) When you do something nice for someone, does God count that as sowing into someone's life?
I'm thinking yes. But no scriptural basis springs to mind to support it; this is just Sammieology

2) If yes, does God look at everything parents do for their kids and count it as sowing?
Again, I'm thinking yes. I've heard pastors and teachers at parenting conferences talk about sowing into the lives of children. Again, no immediate scriptural basis at the front of my mind.

3) If, in fact, it is sowing, what kind of harvest can you expect from that?

4) Does it work both ways? If kids do positive things to bless their parents, will they reap a harvest?

5) Can you reap a spiritual harvest off of something that you enjoyed doing? Or isn't the enjoyment itself a harvest of sorts?

All this pondering got me thinking about Donald Trump. I understand that when he sells one of his buildings, he has it rigged up that he gets paid when he sells it, AND he gets paid again every time the building changes owners. That seemed blasted greedy, audacious, and bold... But this guy asks and he receives. He gets out there and does things that most people would be too mousy to try. I'm sure God is pleased with some of that boldness.

What would happen if we went to God with that kind of boldness? Asked for the sun, moon, and the stars AND the rights to 98% of the profit off of every film, picture, story, or ad they were in? Haha, now I'm just cracking myself up!

God's just too good to be true. If the answers questions 1, 2, 4, and 5 are "yes", that's honestly mind-blowing to me.

Man.

Listen, Live, and Rest

2007-06-17T23:22:00.000-07:00

"Come, all you who are thirsty, come to the waters; and you who have no money, come, buy and eat! Come, buy wine and milk without money and without cost. Why spend money on what is not bread, and your labor on what does not satisfy? Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good, and your soul will delight in the richest of fare. Give ear and come to me; hear me that your soul may live. I will make an everlasting covenant with you, my faithful love promised to David. See, I have made him a witness to the peoples, a leader and commander of the peoples. Surely you will summon nations you know not, and nations that do not know you will hasten to you, because of the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, for he has endowed you with splendor. Seek the Lord while he may be found; call on him while he is near..." Isaiah 55:1-6

The Lord keeps leading me back to this passage. Again and again, I open my Bible and this is the first scripture I see.

I've always felt that my life was meant for something special. For years, I felt that on the inside and didn't really share it with anyone (for various reasons). I got muddled up along the way, but in the last two or three years, the Lord has brought some wonderful fruit out of my life and I can only praise Him for His never ending faithfulness.

A week ago, I challenged everyone to give God fifteen minutes a day of unstructured, unplanned, unreligious time. I didn't imagine that God would use that time the way He has! I can't tell you all that the He's working on in me, because I'm still in the middle of the lesson, but I can give you some highlights.

~Shutting out all the mental noise and learning to listen quietly for God is a POWERFUL skill. It can't be overdeveloped.
~Sometimes the best, most obedient thing to do is to do NOTHING! Wait on God.
~Serving God because of love and passion for Him is the best motivator!

One more thing. Jesus said,

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matt. 11:28-30

When serving Him doesn't come easily, naturally, I'm learning to check whose load it is I'm yoked to. There should be a rest inside that isn't disturbed by natural disruptions. Go back to that place of rest.

I hope this helps!

Samantha

A Rant About A Movie

2007-06-12T20:55:00.000-07:00

Ladies and Gentlemen,

This is Sam, and I’m venting. Against my better judgment, I began watching movies again. Tonight, the movie is “The Holiday”. It has Jack Black, Kate Winslet, Cameron Diaz, and that squinty-eyed fellow from…ummm “Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow”. Perhaps you’d know him better from “Cold Mountain”? Oh well.

Anyway, I’m in the middle of it right now. No, I’m not recommending the movie. Even though it has its cute parts and sweet parts, overall, so far, this movie is poison.

I like movies that have a certain feel to them. Give me a movie with a good sound track, the sound of strong breezes at just the right moments, and a green, open-feeling setting for all the scenes and I’m a fairly content girl. I’ll usually watch movies like that all the way to the end, even if I don’t like the story. I also like foreign films, since the ones I’ve seen haven’t had such contrived plots and one dimensional actors.

The problem with this movie isn’t its sound track, or background noises, or scenery. The main problem is that for most of the movie (again, so far) Kate Winslet’s character has been plagued with one of the worst problems known to woman. An inability to stop herself from going insane over a completely gross, insensitive, selfish, boor.

Why do movies do this? Why do writers create this tripe? Who wants to see yet another female with no intention of controlling her actions or emotions? Not me!!

I’m going back to the movie now. I’ll be back later with more, and let’s hope they save this train wreck. Maybe, she'll wise up in these last ten minutes and stop acting like a complete ninny.

Okay. I was wrong. This movie has a fair amount of poison……BUT, I should have known that those BLESSED Brits wouldn’t allow a film to end with the leading lady being completely spineless and gutless. Kate ends up with Jack and everything is fine. *happy sigh*

But back to my earlier point; why is it that we have so many movies showing men as insensitive, selfish, greedy, stupid brutes and we, oh, so much smarter women are just too dumb and lovesick to ask for something better. So basically, when you boil down our plot lines: men bad, women dumb, when love grows cold (as it so often does, since love is a fickle weed that grows, blooms, and dies, mauling both people in the process…or so these movies would tell you) the men get fat, and the women get bitter, sharp, and naggy.

Dang. Bleak.

Thank goodness, Hollywood has no clue about describing true love. True love is a choice. It can be easy at first, but at some point, you have to choose to keep going. You have to choose to tend that love, focusing on the good, doing what you can to make sure the other person feels loved in their own love language.

It’s like, I was born to a family of four kids. We are all extremely close, but through the years, we have definitely had to take the time and do maintenance. As many things I have in common with my sister Danielle (chocolate, peanut butter, Calvin and Hobbes, Newsboys, yakking our heads off late at night, and crazy, wicked humor!), we still have to sit down and spend time together. Otherwise, since we are both quality time people, we’ll both have to fight feelings of neglect and abandonment. It’s natural for us to care deeply about each other and have soul ties to each other, but to love each other in a way that shows up in our actions is a choice.

Getting off track here. Back to topic. While love is a choice, we need to start encouraging our girls to choose NOT to love “fixer-upper men”. “The Holiday” has the typical cheating, conniving male sucking the life and breath out of Kate Winslet’s character. At the end, even though she tosses him over, they drag out her struggle to escape his claws for waaaaaaaaaaaaaay too long. This could have been a movie about her tentative, fresh explorations after forcing herself to stop pinning for a garbage heap. That would have been something to cheer about!!

What kind of example is this to our girls? A pretty lame one in my opinion. I am a fully red blooded female, and yet, I seem to be able to control myself fairly well. I've become adept at denying myself things that are unhealthy and likely to scar me. Let's try encouraging our young women along those lines, yes?

So girls, grow up strong, bold, and don't be in a hurry to fall in love. Do what the Bible says and don’t awaken love before its time. If you mess up and get attached to a trashy bit of baggage, toss it over as soon as you can, and spend some time around mature, healthy people. Listen to your mom. Listen to your dad. If they don’t like him (and they don’t like him, no matter what they say), throw him back and wait until you find a guy who has more evidence of maturity than just shaving and driving. They ARE out there, no matter what the mainstream media may say. I have the pleasure of knowing several!!

(A note to the males: I'm not saying that all guys are bad. My main point was that being in a relationship with a person, male or female, who is unhealthy and poisonous is a really dumb idea. So guys, please don't bombard me with hate mail. =D Shanks!! )

Ok. I'm done now. Night!

The Challenge

2007-06-09T20:47:00.000-07:00

My brother is in India right now. I'm getting ready to go to bed, and his day is just beginning.

I'm floored by the fruit coming out of his life. It's not that it was unexpected (I always knew that he was meant for something big); it's more like staring at a really bright light. You aren't startled by it's brightness, but it dazzles you all the same.

My family is close-knit and extremely loyal. It has been difficult for us to let someone who was not related to us into that "inner circle" of familial closeness. We're friendly and outgoing, but there is a wall that family friends can run up against without even realizing it.

My brother is particularly dedicated to us. He's always been focused on making a better life for us all. But right now, he's in India! At this moment, he's pouring himself out on behalf of people he's never met before!

Let me tell you, this isn't the brother I've grown up with. I've never heard him speak of caring about folks across the street, much less half a world away! And yet, his emails home are filled with stories and descriptions of things over there. He talks about the people, and he's warning us that he wants to go back as soon as possible. He's so filled with love and compassion and fire for the people in India, I'm blown away.

What happened to him? How did this heart change come about?

He got to know God.

You can't spend time with God without changing on the inside. You can't have a relationship with Him without being transformed from the very foundations of who you are. It's the best, most amazing thing anyone could ever experience.

Why don't you test it out? We could do it together. For one week, starting tomorrow, we'll spend fifteen minutes with God. At the beginning of the fifteen minutes we'll tell Him, "Father, this next fifteen minutes is for you. Do what you want with them; I'm listening." If you feel like you should turn some worship music on, do that. If you feel like you should just sit and listen, do that. If you feel like you should draw a picture, do that.

And next Sunday, I'll post and tell you what happened to me. Feel free to comment and tell me about your week. If you come in on this late, no biggie! If you want to join in, just start when you're ready, then comment about your seven days.

I'm excited to see what happens!!

More Pictures....

2007-06-06T21:19:00.001-07:00

Ok, ok, so this is getting crazy. I know I promised pictures, but...um, I need to learn how to post a slide show or some such something. So. I hate to tease you all and make you wait, but them's the breaks.

This is a shot from a lookout above Lake Mead. Pretty, huh?

This is a lizard that chased us around in Fire Valley. *Shivers*

And this is the sunset just outside of Boulder, Nevada.

Again, sorry about the wait on the pics. Hopefully, I'll figure something out soon!

I'm HOME!!!

2007-05-28T09:21:00.000-07:00

Yaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!

What a wild vacation. Seriously! I saw the Rockie Mountains, Las Vegas, Hoover Dam, the Grand Canyon, and a bunch of other smaller but almost as cool sights! We travelled through Iowa, Nebraska, Colorado, Utah, Arizona, Nevada, back through Arizona, New Mexico, Texas, Oklahoma, Missouri, and back into beautiful Illinois.

Along the way, we saw all different varieties of cows, got sprayed by a passing truckful of hogs, made friends with a strangely evil-looking bird, got chased out of the hotel pool by some sort of winged creature (can you hear the screaming?), and exclaimed "Holy cats!" more times than I like to admit. I could post some of the funny pictures, but the custody battle for them (between me and my sisters) hasn't even begun!

In case you're wondering, the pictures at the top of this post were taken by me. The first one is from New Mexico, and the second one is from the Grand Canyon in Arizona.

Thoughts From The Road

2007-05-26T20:47:00.001-07:00

Hey Everyone!

I'm somewhere in Oklahoma and it's late, late, late! We left Nevada yesterday morning and we still have another day of driving ahead of us. It's amazing to me how BIG America really is! I'm a city girl, so I keep being shocked at how much of our country is farm land, ranches, and open space. I'll have some pictures to share when I get home!

This has been a strange vacation for me. I didn't really want to go! I felt like I was supposed to go, but I didn't know why.

From the beginning, this time has been powerful. Two of our cousins ended up sleeping over in our hotel room for about 4 nights! That was interesting and funny! Imagine: five s ranging in age from 15-21, two beds, a small couch, and ONE bathroom.... yes, a potential recipe for disaster!! Haha, actually, we had an amazing time with them! Not only did we have a ton of fun, we had the privilege of leading them to the Lord!! Wooohooo!!

So, yes, I have a lot to share. Lots of funny stories to tell, and hopefully, some of the pictures I took will be in focus!! I miss ya'll and I'll see you soon!

Another Look At Our Testimony

2007-05-21T11:44:00.000-07:00

All right folksies, this is the last post about faith and trust. (Do I hear cheering?? O_O) I hope you all got something from it! If nothing else, it's helped me to be bolder about believing God for big things.

Remember how I said that I have a history or subconscious database of expected behavior for my parents? That history of expected behavior helps me to lean on them when I need help. Well, I wanted to tell you that there is a history of expected behavior for us in our relationship with God! It's called our testimony!!

Think back. How many times has the Lord saved you from something? That time a car almost hit you, or the time you didn't think you had enough money to pay a bill but it got paid somehow, or the time you needed help with school, or the time your car wouldn't start, or the time you got lost. What were the first words out of your mouth? "Oh Lord!" These are all things that you asked God for help with. Maybe you weren't even a Christian then, so you didn't have a reason to trust God, but you asked Him for help anyway. And He came through for you.

Those memories and those experiences help us to get into the habit of relying on God. But if we just take those victories and forget about them, they don't really do us any good. As we share our testimony, not only does it encourage the people listening, but our own hearts get blessed! I can't tell you the number of times that I've been sharing something the Lord did for me with someone and it ministered to me! I'll be telling someone about a breakthrough, and hearing that story again encourages me in another area of my life. It makes me want to jump out and believe God for big things, just entrust my life to His hands fully! Dwelling on that act of God's mercy and love will help bond your heart to God's.

Psalm 71:5&6
O Lord, you alone are my hope. I've trusted you, O LORD, from childhood. Yes, you have been with me from birth; from my mother's womb you have cared for me. No wonder I am always praising you!

So share the victories that God has given you, big or small. Someone out there needs to hear it, plus you'll be cheered by telling it!!

God bless you all!!
Sam

Something Cool

2007-05-12T21:59:00.000-07:00

This was something I found on another blog and it revved my engines. Hope ya like it!!

"Quit living as if the purpose of life is to arrive safely at death. Set God-sized goals. Pursue God-ordained passions. Grab life by the mane. Go after a dream that is destined to fail without divine intervention. Keep asking questions. Keep making mistakes. Keep seeking God. Stop pointing out problems and become part of the solution. Stop repeating the past and start creating the future. Stop playing it safe and start taking risks. Expand your horizons. Accumulate experiences. Consider the lilies. Enjoy the journey. Find every excuse you can to celebrate everything you can. Live like today is the first day and last day of your life. Don't let what's wrong with you keep you from worshipping what's right with God. Burn sinful bridges. Blaze a new trail. Criticize by creating. Worry less about what people think and more about what God thinks. Don't try to be who you're not. Be yourself. Laugh at yourself. Quit holding out. Quit holding back. Quit running away. Chase the lion!"

Road Trip!!!!

2007-05-12T21:01:00.000-07:00

Hey Everyone,

This Monday, my family is heading out to Nevada! It will take us about three days to get out there, we'll stay for about a week, and then head back. So I'll be gone from this blog for the next two weeks.

Don't worry though!! I've got some posts all lined up for while I'm away, and I've asked my dear friend Becca to post for me! I just won't be able to respond to any comments because I won't have internet.

This trip is going to ROCK!! Seriously, my sisters and I get wild (well, it's wild for us, lol) on vacation! We're going to take loads of pictures and videos, so you'll get to see us kicking back. Aka, eating reeses for breakfast, cracking REALLY bad jokes, and basically goofing off. *sighs* Man, this is going to be fun!

See ya when I get back!!

A Revelation About Faith And Trust

2007-05-03T16:31:00.000-07:00

So cool, that last post had a lot of interesting thoughts and observations. But where was I going with all of that? What's the result? Where's the revelation? (Watch closely now, because this is going to hit you fast!)

Exercising your faith produces trust! Faith (mature faith) becomes trust!

Wham-O. Are you still there? I did warn you!! That's a pretty big claim to make without evidence, so I'd like to share a couple of stories with you. God has taken such good care of me. He always gives me favor with people, and He'll pay my way if I give Him even half a chance!

When I was in college, one semester the bill came and I didn't have the money to pay for the part that wasn't covered by loans. My Mom was handling all my financial stuff at the time, but with this bill, she did something different. She handed me the bill and she said, "I don't know what to do about this. You're going to have to deal with this." This was soon after I turned my life over to God, so I took the bill and went upstairs to my closet. In the dark, surrounded by hanging clothes, I started talking to God. "Dad, I don't have the solution for this. I don't have the money for it. There isn't anything that I can do."

"But You have the solution. I know You want me to finish school, so I'm going to believe that You'll pay this bill for me." Immediately, Phillipians 4:19 popped into my head.

Phillipians 4:19
And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.

Over the next couple weeks, I made up a confession and spent time in my closet just thanking God for taking care of me. The due date for the bill came and passed, and then the school contacted us. It turned out that they were going to increase the amount of my loan to cover the part I couldn't pay! Praise the Lord!

Now, I'm not saying, "Trust God for loans to pay all your bills temporarily" but at the time, that was where my faith was. I could believe God for that and, while I'm certain I was limiting Him and His goodness, it was still a break through for me! We all have to start somewhere, so don't feel badly if you start out believing God for something small.

When you decide to rely on God's provision for you, exercising your faith like that produces a history of expected behavior. It changes your mindset from "I have to take care of myself." to "God always provides for me!" In the beginning, it doesn't make logical sense to trust in a Being you've never seen for your welfare, but to your spirit (which is always in the presence of the Lord) it makes perfect sense! Eventually, you can train your mind to line up with your spirit. You can come to a place where you EXPECT God to take care of you. (This is that renewing your mind stuff we talked about earlier!)

Jeremiah 29:11&12
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. Then shall ye call upon me, and ye shall go and pray unto me, and I will hearken unto you.

You'll grow to the point where, whatever the challenge, the first thing you'll want to do is talk to God. He will be your answer for every question. It will spring up out of your heart naturally, without your having to do anything particularly fancy or spiritual.

About a year ago (after the incident with the school bill), I had to go to the hospital for some testing. Because of some issues with our health insurance, it wasn't covered. My Mom didn't know what we were going to do about the bill, since we'd been having some financial difficulties. I had been spending time with God, reading my bible, and getting to know Him better, so I honestly wasn't very worried. In my heart, I just couldn't work up any concern. I don't remember my exact reply to her, but I do know I reminded her of the school bill and said the Lord would take care of it.

(Side note: When you are first learning to rely on God, some people are going to have a hard time when you say that God will take care of you. It can sound to them like you just don't want to deal with the issue. My advice is to be very nice, very respectful, and don't get mad. You don't have to force people to agree with you! God will bless you whether anyone agrees with you or not!)

Some time later, my Mom called the hospital to set up a payment plan. I wasn't around for the beginning of the phone call, but I wandered into the room as she was hanging up. Boy, was she excited!! "Sam, guess what!!! I just called the hospital and they said your bill has already been paid!" I started laughing and Mom grabbed my arm and gave me a little shake! "It gets better! I asked the lady if the health insurance had covered it after all, and she said NO!! She said that she can tell that the health insurance didn't pay for it, but the balance on that account is zero!!" God had supernaturally paid my medical bill!

If some of you are stuck in religion, you're going to have a hard time with what I'm about to say next. I never prayed about that bill! I never asked God to pay that bill for me!! The previous challenges that I'd faced had proved in my heart that God was my only source. The image of my Father was so clear in my heart that it didn't matter what came against me. That bedrock trust gave God the freedom to just keep the blessings flowing on my behalf!

Proverbs 3:5&6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.

I'm going to close now. I tried so hard to keep this message short, but oh well. ^_^ There is one more chapter to this series, and I'll try to resist posting it for a couple days. I hope this is blessing you!!

Hugs,
Sam

The Difference Between Faith And Trust

2007-05-03T14:52:00.000-07:00

Do you ever hear someone say a word and think you know how to spell it, but actually, you don't? You look at the CORRECT spelling and think it looks weird?? Happens to me all the time. *shakes head sadly* Worse, I'll think that I know something - that I understand it thoroughly and completely - when really, I've just memorized a fact. There isn't any depth of understanding, it's just a one-dimensional fact.

Earlier this week, I started thinking about trust. I know what faith is, but what is trust? I was tempted to get out my concordance and the dictionary and work it out logically, but instead I turned to God. (He'll teach you things if you ask Him. Sometimes, He'll use a song to talk to you, or another person, or sometimes, you'll just hear His words in your heart.)

Hebrews 11:1
Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

Proverbs 3:5&6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.

These were the verses that automatically jumped to my mind. One has a song that I love attached to it. The other I accidentally memorized from a Kenneth Hagin tape! (He had a unique, memorable rhythmn to his speech.) Since I wanted to exercise that spot in my heart that is always connected to God, I decided not to look anything else up. I just stretched out on our couch and kept repeating these verses over and over, mulling and chewing on them, listening for the Lord. Eventually a train of thought started.

Proverbs 3:5&6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.

Trust is natural. It's not something we can force. I trust my parents because they took good care of me when I was growing up. When I needed food, they fed me. When I cried, they comforted me. When I almost fell off the couch, they caught me. All of this interaction has built a history or subconscious database that lets me know what to expect from my parents in any given situation. When I ask my dad for help, I don't have to think back on all the times that he's come through for me, but I could if I wanted to.

Hebrews 11:1
Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

Faith is a choice. Faith moves me to do something. It could be anything. I might make an internal decision, or give something away, or speak a confession, or go do something, but faith contains some sort of action. In the bible, the lady who had the issue of blood hoped to be healed by Jesus. So she (I could take this back even further, but I'm going to be nice. =P) decided to find Jesus, left her house, traveled to where Jesus was, pushed through the crowd, stretched out her hand, and touched the edge of His cloak.

Trust is natural, confident reliance on something. Faith is acting like you have a natural, confident reliance on something.

You still with me? Good! I've noticed that I try to cram a lot of information into one post and I'm thinking that for some people it's a hard slog! So, I'm going to make my posts shorter, but more often. I'll post more on this subject in the next day or so. Be blessed!

Check This Out

2007-04-28T17:38:00.000-07:00

Now I know you're thinking, "What?! She posted again??" but this is worth it. I share a lot of my heart and my thought processes on here, but my biggest thrill is sharing things that have changed me in one way or another.

I'd like you to check out this blog: Observations/Conclusions/Ponderings

Most of the time, this blog is filled with pithy and amusing takes on every day life. Today, it was just like a punch in the stomach.

Gah, I can't describe it, just READ IT.

Love ya,
Sam

YWM And Talks About God

2007-04-27T16:08:00.000-07:00

This past Wednesday, our church had our first young women's meeting! It was WONDERFUL!! (Check out Sarah's blog for a picture and her take on the evening.) We had about twelve young ladies attend and I think everyone came away with something to think about. God has been so good to all of us and I know He's going to take us waaaaay further than we could even imagine.

So! On with my post! I have a theory. Struggles and problems stem from a misunderstanding of who God is. (Wasn't that short and sweet?)

For every issue that I've dealt with in my life, I've been able to trace it back to a basic misunderstanding of God. When I realize that God is kind, that God is trustworthy, that He isn't angry with me, that He's full of joy, that He's GENTLE, He's full of patience, and most importantly He LOVES ME, it changes everything.

One of my biggest challenges is that I'm a pretty cerebral person. I love to logic things out. When I get into a mess, I tend to want to work it out for myself. Even when I say that I'm trusting God, it's more like, "Ok, I'm trusting God! So with the power of God flowing through me, I'm going to fix this!!" And then when I make it worse, I've found myself asking God why He failed me!!! >_<

Trusting God means that you have completely taken your hands off and surrendered the problem to God. Sometimes, He'll guide you through certain steps to get out of the muddle. Other times (and this is where I've been falling down!), He needs you to just leave the problem with Him.

If I had the full revelation of who God is, it would change my thought patterns. Instead of automatically jumping in to fix stuff on my own, I'd relax, lean back and watch God work. Instead of feeling condemned and stressed when I've done something stupid, I'd apologize and then feel free!

The good news is, the more you hang out with God (like praying or reading your bible, or something of that sort) the better you get to know Him. I've started hanging certain scriptures on my wall. Ones that are encouraging, or talk about a certain characteristic of God are especially good. I can think about those as I clean my room or get ready for work and it cements the image of that aspect of God in my heart. This is the whole "renewing your mind" thingie that pastors are always talking about! =)

I hope this helps. (I haven't arrived, but I've left and I'm not giving up!!)

Love ya,
Samantha

"Wanting A God You Can Talk To"

2007-04-24T19:17:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling happy! Extremely, thoroughly happy! I've been reading this book by Jesse Duplantis called "Wanting A God You Can Talk To" and I'm loving it. It's filling me up on the inside and confirming just about every hope and dream I've had concerning talking with God.

(Sniper, if you wanted a book that would answer your questions about talking to God, THIS IS THE BOOK.)

I like this book because Jesse Duplantis keeps things simple. There isn't a whiff of religious-ness about him. It's not a hard read. I didn't feel like he had a thesaurus right by his side when he was writing the book. He just talks about his experiences with seeking God and offers encouragement anyone wanting to have a one on one friendship with God. Check it out!

(Thank you Becca, for giving this book to me! Anna has GREAT taste!)

God Wants His People Flambe!

2007-04-22T21:26:00.000-07:00

As I start this blog post, I'm not even sure what I'm going to talk about. I had a few ideas yesterday, but the day has brought new topics of discussion. (This post could also be called "The Mental Wanderings of Sam"!) So, I'm just going to type and see what comes out!

I was thinking about worship the other night. My ideas of worship have been overhauled several times now. I used to think that a really good worship service meant it was easy to get swept up into the singing. Somewhere along the way, that idea was discarded. I'm not even sure how I stopped thinking that way. I began to feel like I should step out more in the singing; stop being so conscious of the people around me and focus more on Jesus. When I started doing that, I found that it didn't matter how good the musicians were or how touching the music was, I got something from thinking about how wonderful Jesus is!

Good right? Very good! (I'm not "grading" myself, or saying it was wrong to feel that way. I just want to present another veiwpoint.) But what if worship isn't about "getting" something from God?

I was listening to a sermon in the car on the way to my brother's school. The minister was talking about how when the Israelites went into the temple to meet with God, they always took a sacrifice. They wouldn't think of going without having something to burn for God. Later they found out that God didn't really care about the burnt offerings, it was their hearts He was watching as they came before Him.

How's your heart as you come before Him? On Sundays, or whenever you've got some time set aside for worshiping God, do you lay everything else down and devote yourself to Him? Maybe you have a bunch of kids who hang on you and bug you all the time, or maybe you have money issues that are clamoring for your attention, or maybe you're struggling with some emotional problems? Lay it all down.

Worship isn't "needs" focused. Worship isn't "me" focused. Worship is an offering to God before you accept the word He has provided for you through your pastor's preaching. It's saying, "God, I love you. I think you're amazing. I don't care about anything else right now; I just want you to know how wonderful I think you are!"

It's not always easy. But, that's why it's called sacrifice of praise!

Hebrews 13:14&15
For here we do not have an enduring city, but we are looking for the city that is to come. Through Jesus, therefore, let us continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise--the fruit of lips that confess his name.

Sometimes, putting all the distractions out of your mind is an uphill battle through a flesh forest while it's pouring emotional rain. But when you push beyond your comfort zone, God will come and set you ablaze!

Remember Elijah and that bunch of baal priests? They were trying to decide whose god was the true god. The priests of baal had spent all day trying to get baal to burn up the animal on the altar, with hilarious commentary from Elijah. Nothing happened. When it was Elijah's turn, he decided to make things interesting.

1Kings 18:32-35
With the stones he built an altar in the name of the Lord, and he dug a trench around it large enough to hold two seahs of seed. He arranged the wood, cut the bull into pieces and laid it on the wood. Then he said to them, "Fill four large jars with water and pour it on the offering and on the wood." "Do it again," he said, and they did it again. "Do it a third time," he ordered, and they did it the third time. The water ran down around the altar and even filled the trench.

The wood was soaked. The whole thing would probably take days to dry out naturally. But in verse 38, we see what happened when after Elijah called on the Lord:

Then the fire of the Lord fell and burned up the sacrifice, the wood, the stones and the soil, and also licked up the water in the trench.

Our God is big into bringing more than enough! No squabble with your mother-in-law can put out the fire He starts in you! Nothing your boss says can dampen your wood to the point of making a spiritual blaze impossible! If we trust Him, He'll bring the increase! Get out of your comfort zone, and you're into the supernatural!

So there we are. That's what I've been thinking about. Since I've been having a.....um.....a growing season (>_<), this message is for me too! To be completely honest, all of my posts challenge me, so don't feel badly if you've got some things to work on!

Hope this helps and have a GREAT week!

Enjoying The View From The Rock

2007-04-14T14:47:00.000-07:00

So recently, I've been re-re-evaluating everything. As I sail through life, things pop up and the way I react to them affects my flow. I'm learning to just run to God with anything and everything. Feeling unsettled? "Father!!" Saw something funny? "Hey Dad, guess what!" Tempted to get ticked off at someone? "Hold me back Lord!!"

When I was younger, I clung to my older brother when anything really disturbed me. I expected him to make me feel better. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't. But that wasn't really fair to him. I tried to make him my solid spot, and people get smushed when you stand on them.

As I develop a deeper relationship with God, I've found that every time I'm troubled inside, He has the answer. I can get my focus back on my Strong One and either everything changes, or everything shrinks back to the right size in my mind. Problems aren't huge anymore. My schedule isn't overloaded. I can see again the progress that God has made in my life.

From this I will not be shaken, my God is my rock and my strength. I will find rest in Him.

Ps. 100: 1 - 5
Shout for joy to the Lord, all the earth. Worship the Lord with gladness; come before him with joyful songs. Know that the Lord is God. It is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people, the sheep of his pasture. Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name. For the Lord is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations.

Moving Beyond The Veil

2007-04-04T23:25:00.000-07:00

2Cor. 3:18 And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into His likeness with ever increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.

trans·form
1. to change in form, appearance, or structure; metamorphose.
2. to change in condition, nature, or character; convert.

Do you ever have days where it seems like you'll never get to the place you want to be? I do. Pretty regularly, I go cry out to God about my progress. It's because I want to be more than I am right now. I want to be more than a correct Christian. I want to be more than a friendly face in a crowd of people. I want to operate in the power that Jesus had. I want to exercise the same obedience and diligence. I want the same heart of compassion. I want His boldness.

In the above scripture, Paul is talking about Moses and how, after Moses came down off of Mount Sinai with the tablets, Moses' face was glowing. The Bible actually says his face was radiant! This was the effect of being in the presence of God. It completely changed the appearance of Moses' face.

Exodus 34:29
When Moses came down from Mount Sinai with the two tablets of the Testimony in his hands, he was not aware that his face was radiant because he had spoken with the Lord. When Aaron and all the Israelites saw Moses, his face was radiant and they were afraid to come near him.

The Israelites had the chance to spend time in the presence of God. Earlier, when God handed down the Ten Commandments, the people heard the voice of God and were terrified. But instead of pushing past their fears and listening to the voice of the one who had led them out of Egypt, through the Red Sea, and supernaturally fed them, they drew back.

Exodus 20:18&19
When the people saw the thunder and lightning and heard the trumpet and saw the mountain in smoke, they trembled with fear. They stayed at a distance and said to Moses, “Speak to us yourself and we will listen. But do not have God speak to us or we will die.”

Look at that! They actively distanced themselves from the voice of God! Look at the sorrows they went through as a result. They thought that if Moses heard from God for them, it would solve their problems. They would listen to him, and everything would be fine.

The truth is, THERE IS NO SUBSTITUTE FOR GOD SPEAKING INDIVIDUALLY TO YOU. Even the most anointed preacher can’t touch your heart the way that God Himself can. The bible says that “the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.” (Heb. 4:12) And we know what happened to the Israelites. They didn’t obey Moses. They didn’t listen to him, even though they said they would.

The Israelites maintained that distance from the presence of God. After Moses would return from speaking with God, he put a veil over his face. The Israelites were afraid to come near him until he put the veil on. (Exodus 34:29)

What would have happened if the Israelites had kept that reflection of God’s glory before their eyes? In the presence of that anointing you’ll have heart change and break throughs. It literally transforms your mind.

Isa. 10:27
And it shall come to pass in that day, that his burden shall be taken away from off they shoulder, and his yoke from off thy neck, and the yolk shall be destroyed because of the anointing.

2Cor. 3:17
Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.

If you want more from God, if you want to get further in life, you have to spend time with God. You have to develop your relationship with God. We are made to be imitators of God, made in His likeness. It's only by spending time in his presence, that the Holy Spirit has a chance to work on your heart. The Israelites turned away from God. They kept Him at arms length. If they had pressed in, they would have seen His glory. They had the chance! One of their number took that opportunity:

Exodus 33:11 The Lord would speak to Moses face to face, as a man speaks with his friend. Then Moses would return to the camp, but his young aide Joshua son of Nun did not leave the tent.

Where was Joshua? Still in the tent, still talking with God. And he grew up to lead the Israelites into the promised land. What would have happened if more of their number had followed Joshua’s lead?

Jesus died so that we could have an intimate relationship with God. So that we could draw near to God and talk to him face to face.

2Cor. 3:12
Therefore, since we have such a hope, we are very bold.

2Cor. 3:16
But whenever anyone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away.

Turn to the Lord. Seek His face and listen for Him to speak individually to YOU. Watch and see how He’ll transform you and your situation because of it!

2Cor. 3:18 And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into His likeness with ever increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.

Be The CRACKPOT!

2007-04-01T22:30:00.000-07:00

(Why is it that I always find myself posting in the wee, small hours of the morning??? O_O)

I've been talking to a lot of people recently who have been blessed by something that I've posted or something that I've shared with them. Cool, right? Definitely! But that crystalized a thought that I wanted to share.

John 6:1-9
Some time after this, Jesus crossed to the far shore of the Sea of Galilee (that is the Sea of Tiberias), and a great crowd of people followed him because they saw the miraculous signs he had performed on the sick. Then Jesus went up on the mountainside and sat down with his disciples. The Jewish Passover Feast was near. When Jesus looked up and saw a great crowd coming, he said to Philip, "Where shall we buy bread for these people to eat?" He asked this only to test him, for he already had in mind what he was going to do. Philip answered him, "Eight months' wages would not buy enough bread for each one to have a bite!" Another of his disciples, Andrew, Simon Peter's brother, spoke up, "Here is a boy with five small barley loaves and two small fish, but how far will they go among so many?"

Now imagine this. See it in your mind. What happened next is DEFINITELY an act of love! This boy had followed Jesus for days now, seeing miracle after miracle. Maybe he was one of many people healed at the hands of Jesus. After following Jesus and his disciples for so long, perhaps he knew that the disciples hadn't packed any lunch for anyone. Maybe he had been looking for a way, SOME way to show how much he appreciated all that Jesus had done for him. It's then that his heart whispered, "Offer Jesus your lunch! At least you can do that much for Him!" It was just a little sack lunch his mom packed for him, but at least Jesus wouldn't have to go hungry. Besides, his mom was known for her wonderful bread!

John 6:11-13
Jesus said, "Have the people sit down." There was plenty of grass in that place, and the men sat down, about five thousand of them. Jesus then took the loaves, gave thanks, and distributed to those who were seated as much as they wanted. He did the same with the fish. When they had all had enough to eat, he said to his disciples, "Gather the pieces that are left over. Let nothing be wasted." So they gathered them and filled twelve baskets with the pieces of the five barley loaves left over by those who had eaten.

What I want to say is this. Everyone has something to offer. Everyone has a word of encouragement, a talent, a testimony, or gift to offer to Jesus.

1Cor. 14:26
What then shall we say, brothers? When you come together, everyone has a hymn, a word of instruction, a revelation, a tongue or an interpretation. All of these must be done for the strengthening of the church.

Maybe God has brought you through some tough times. Maybe you are really good at encouraging people. Or maybe, you just like hugging on folks! All the boy had was a lunch. And look what happened! Even if you feel like all you have is a crust of bread, give it to Jesus for His use! When the boy offered his lunch to Jesus, Jesus brought the increase!

Even if you feel shy about sharing with people, get out there! DO IT! When I started this blog, I was tempted to feel so nervous. "What are people going to think about me??" Tell that little voice to can it. Jesus has done so much for me! He's brought me SO far! When I read these posts over again I get blessed! Maybe these aren't the most elegant entries, but glory to God, they've born fruit!

2Cor 3:5
Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence has come from God.

Don't worry about how you look or how you come across! Share your testimonies with people! As you put yourself out there and trust in the Lord, the Holy Spirit will teach you how to speak and how to act. It's even more powerful when someone who is a complete MESS on their own starts allowing Jesus to flow through them!

One last verse:

2Cor. 4:5-7
For we do not preach ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, and ourselves as your servants for Jesus' sake. For God, who said, "Let light shine out of darkness, " made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ. But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.

Cry To Jesus

2007-03-26T21:32:00.000-07:00

I've been reading this amazing book called "There Is Always Enough" by Rolland and Heidi Baker. It's about their incredible ministry among the poor in Mozambique and South East Africa. Miracle after miracle, transformation after transformation, they detail how God has provided a way for them, even when there is literally no way. They speak candidly about the challenges they've faced; even sharing stories about times when they were getting ready to give up and come back to America! It's a powerful book, filled to the brim with testimonies. Most of it is very hard to read, so be prepared.

The one thing that kept nailing me right between the eyes was the incredible hunger these people had for God. They were starving, hungry, abused, dying, and yet, they would pass up medical attention and food to receive prayer or get a bible. Men, women, and children would walk for, literally, days without food just to come to one of the church meetings. They were starving for the love and healing touch of God.

Can you imagine that? Thousands and thousands of individual people, on their faces in oppressive heat, just worshiping and crying out to God with all of their hearts. Each person reaching for their own personal encounter with God. Many had never heard of Jesus before. But they knew in their hearts that He was their deliverer and they longed for Him.

Hunger like that is wild, desperate. It causes you to lose interest in the people on either side of you. You forget to care about who is watching you. It forces you forward into the presence of God, because it won't be satisfied by anything less that personal time with the Father.

Jesus, right now, reach into our hearts and stir us up. We won't be satisfied by worldly distractions. We want your presence in our lives! Meet with us here, in this place, and fill us with your love. Spur us on and help us to keep our eyes fixed on you alone. Touch every heart that reads this entry, reminding them that You alone can quench their thirst and heal their wounds. There is always enough because you died! Hallelujah!

Colossians 2:5-7 For though I be absent in the flesh, yet am I with you in the spirit, joying and beholding your order, and the steadfastness of your faith in Christ. As ye have therefore received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk ye in him: Rooted and built up in him, and established in the faith, as ye have been taught, abounding therein with thanksgiving.

True Friends

2007-03-24T11:58:00.000-07:00

The past couple of days have been a blast! I got to hang out with a few of my friends in between work. On Friday, I hung out with Sarah, Natalie, and my sister Abby. We went to see the movie "The Ultimate Gift". (If you want to know more about the movie, click here name to see Sarah's review!)

Tonight, I was invited to go see my friend Rebecca perform in a swing dance competition. I left work a little early, got lost about six different times, and used up all my cell phone's battery life getting directions from my dad, but I managed to get there before the competition started! All the craziness of getting there was SO worth it. Not only is West Coast Swing awesome and highly entertaining, but everyone was nice as nice as they were extremely talented! On top of that, Rebecca and her partner won first place!! =D

But all of that fun got me thinking. Friends are important. They can either pump you up or bring you down. So I'll ask you: Who are your TRUE friends? Do you have anyone in your life that you talk to about silly and life changing things? Can you share your heart with the people you hang out with?

I've been having a really good year. 2006 and 2007 have been filled with new friends and reconnecting with old friends. The Lord has brought people into my life that support me and challenge me. I can't just say or do any old thing anymore without having a bunch of people ready to hold me accountable!

If you don't have any friends you feel comfortable opening your heart to, remember you can always talk to God. He'll listen to you, just the way that a friend does. He wants you to share yourself with Him like that anyway!

John 15:15 "I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you."

Growing Up

2007-03-20T16:32:00.000-07:00

Well, I finallly did it! I cleaned out my Bible. I've had this pink NIV since I was eight and it's always been my favorite. Even though I like the other translations, the NIV is so easy to understand. During times when I'd be struggling with something or other, that little pink Bible always held something that would touch my heart and turn my thoughts towards God. But that was part of the problem.

My Bible was STUFFED. Crammed to the gills with papers, phone numbers, notes, outlines, a couple photos and even recipes! Over the years, when something would bless my heart, remind me of God's love, or even seem like something that would be powerful in the future, I got into the habit of saving it. And God used those notes! There were times when I'd flip open my Bible and discover the exact encouragement that I needed.

Unfortunately, I began to notice that I couldn't flip to a verse without stuff dropping out. So I put all the notes that I wanted to keep in a special box until I can transcribe them. Hopefully, my Bible will last longer; plus, if anyone wants a killer recipe for loaded oatmeal cookies, I know where find it!

My Current Favorite Song

2007-03-17T09:45:00.000-07:00

Hey All!

I've had to do a lot of driving recently, so I get to listen to a LOT of Klove radio. =) They were playing this one song by MercyMe that expresses almost everything I've been feeling towards God. It's become my current favorite! When I told my sister, it turned out that this song is old!! Hee hee, I guess I'm not up with the times. Oh well.

I've posted the lyrics since I don't know how to post song clips. I hope you enjoy it!

MercyMe - Here With Me

From the album Undone

I long for your embrace

Every single day

To meet you in this place

And see you face to face

Will you show me?

Reveal yourself to me

Because of your mercy

I fall down on my knees

And I can feel your presence here with me

Suddenly I’m lost within your beauty

Caught up in the wonder of your touch

Here in this moment I surrender to your love

You’re everywhere I go

I am not alone

You call me as your own

To know you and be known

You are holy

And I fall down on my knees

I can feel your presence here with me

Suddenly I’m lost within your beauty

Caught up in the wonder of your touch

Here in this moment I surrender to your love

I surrender to your grace

I surrender to the one who took my place

I can feel your presence here with me

Suddenly I’m lost within your beauty

Caught up in the wonder of your touch

Here in this moment I surrender…

I can feel your presence here with me

Suddenly I’m lost within your beauty

Caught up in the wonder of your touch

Here in this moment I surrender to your love
Label: Integrity Music

Tackling the Spirit of Abandonment

2007-03-13T21:50:00.000-07:00

John 14:18 "I will not leave you as orphans: I will come to you. Before long, the world will not see me anymore, but you will see me. Because I live, you also will live. On that day you will realize that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you."

This morning, as I got ready to attack the day, I kept mulling over the above verse. It's in John 14, where Jesus tells His disciples that He's about to go away, but not to worry. He goes on to tell them about the things that they have to look forward to in heaven and talks to them about the true way to show that you love God. Then He reassures them again about His leaving.

"I will not leave you as orphans-"

That was the phrase I kept hearing in my mind. As I stewed, I thought about something. In the world today, there is definitely an "orphaned spirit" or a feeling of abandonment. It is something that a lot of young adults struggle with.

Lying on my bed, staring at my digital clock, I decided to break it down to extreme simplicity. What is an orphan? Now there are some of you saying, "DUH!" and making rude jokes, but bear with me. I'm going somewhere, I promise!

An orphan is someone without:
~A protector
~A provider
~A teacher
~A leader
~A comforter

Do you feel like you are missing a few of these things? Do you find yourself telling yourself "I don't need anyone to look out for me" or "I can take care of myself"? Do you feel like you are lacking direction? When you cry, is there someone to hold you?

I'm not asking these questions to depress you. I'm asking these questions because I want you to think about what Jesus said. He promised that He wouldn't leave you. Even if you don't have anyone to look out for you, you can have Jesus as your source of comfort, direction, provision, and protection!

Verse 20 "Because I live, you also will live. On that day you will realize that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you."

Makes you think of a pregnant woman, right? A pregnant woman provides everything the baby inside her needs. The baby is cradled. The baby is fed. The baby is protected. Everything that the mom has, the baby shares in. He gets nourished right when she gets nourishment. I've been told that the baby actually thinks that his mom is an extention of himself!

That is the vision that I have for my relationship with Jesus. He feeds me. He protects me. He cradles me in His arms and dotes on me. Everything that He has, He has given to me. Because He lives, I also will live! And not the "scraping along, making it day to day" living! No! This is the Son of God talking; when He says I'll live, He means I'll live the abundant life!

As I was growing up, I struggled with feelings of loneliness and abandonment. Don't get me wrong, I have GREAT parents. It's just that the devil is real, the devil is a liar, and sometimes he had me conned. So seeing that God was looking out for my welfare had a big impact on my heart. He loved me and He never left my side. There were times when I didn't let Him help me or comfort me, but in the end, my Father always got His message of love through.

I want to leave you with this verse. It's in the same chapter, so if you wanted to study John 14, I highly recommend it. (Even if you've read this chapter a lot, read it again. The Holy Spirit can show you another side of these verses and bless your heart.)

John 14:1 Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me."

You are not alone. You are the focus of Someone's love and sacrifice. I'm praying that the Lord will help you to more fully understand this!

Love ya,
Samantha

Isaiah 54

2007-03-06T19:59:00.000-08:00

I've never before realized how personal God is. He answers us so personally. He's not out there, floating around, busy with so many other things that He barely has time for us. He's right here, nose to nose with us, and He cares.

Last night, I was so troubled. I couldn't go to bed for a long time. I spent a long time on the floor just crying out to God. This morning, I didn't get out of bed until I had spent some time just praying. All day I've been kind of going through the motions, just watching for where God's answer was going to come from.

When I got home from work tonight, I was looking through my mail and I found a letter from Kenneth Copeland Ministeries and they included some scripture cards. There was my answer! Every scripture touched that sore spot and was like water. This one really spoke to me though:

Isaiah 54:11-13 O thou afflicted, tossed with tempest, and not comforted, behold, I will lay thy stones with fair colours, and lay thy foundation with sapphires. And I will make thy windows of agates, and thy gates of carbuncles, and all thy borders of pleasant stones. And all thy children shall be taught of the Lord; and great shall be the peace of thy children.

Amazing.

Battling Disappointment

2007-02-19T22:58:00.000-08:00

What do you do when you come before the Lord expecting something and get nada?

Case in point was my Sunday morning service. We had an AWESOME praise and worship service. It was one of those times when I could totally forget about everything but God. I began to feel so favored, so happy! Not that I'm chasing the "feeling" or "the goosebumps", but since it was there, I was appreciating it. Then, when Pastor Joe stood up to speak, he said that the Lord had changed the plan for the service at around 11pm the previous night! (That's always exciting to hear!) I was completely ready for the sermon!

The speaker replacing Pastor Joe for the service was amazing! The material was powerful, the presentation was attention grabbing, and the anointing was present! But for me, it fizzled three quarters of the way through the sermon!

Craziness! The logical part of my brain began to reason things out. “Maybe you haven’t understood the message yet! Or, maybe Sam, this wasn’t a message that was meant for you! Maybe you were just supposed to be here to help set up and talk to people-”

But I wasn’t in the mood to be reasonable. Heaviness settled over my heart, and I just felt sad. I didn’t even know where to look. One of my friends gave me a hug and asked me if I was alright, and I had to say I didn’t know.

Disappointment is something that everyone experiences every now and again. But, biblically, it isn’t something that we can say we experienced at the hands of God.

Matt. 7:7
“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.”

Num. 23:19
“God is not a man that he should lie, nor a son of man, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill?”

God has a responsibility to give to those who ask, open to those who knock, and reveal Himself to those who seek!

So how does that affect Sunday? As I drove home, I’m sorry to say I just stewed. I didn’t ask God for help. I didn’t ask Him what had happened. I didn’t even openly accuse Him. Instead, I turned away from Him. Yup, gave Him the ol’ silent treatment.

Had God let me down? Had He promised something I hadn’t received? If EVERY TIME I seek Him, He promises to be there, then what happened?

I’ll tell you what happened. There was a battle in the sanctuary. The enemy stepped in and suggested something and I accepted it. I swallowed the lie. What was the lie? “God’s not here for you today, Sam. You came expecting Him to be here with something special for you today, and He was only bringing things for some of His other children. You’re here because He wants you just to serve today.”

Do you see what a whopper that was? But I took it as gospel, and left the sanctuary. I rejected the idea of going up and getting prayer, because this service wasn’t about me, and the minister wouldn’t have anything for me. I left whatever God had for me and I didn’t pursue it.

Disappointment is a lie. When invited to indulge, you can refuse with all the passion you can muster! Even if you’ve left Him and left the thing you wanted behind, remember, God can and will restore. He will return to you the things the enemy stole from you through lies and deception.

I started this entry not knowing how it would turn out. I had the idea that I’d suggest seeking God a little bit further and keeping after the expected revelation, gift, healing, touch, whatever. But God changed this message.

If there is something you are expecting from God, don’t take no for an answer. Don’t get nervous or self conscious. Be the child who just knows Dad brought her something! God isn’t like the earthly fathers who think they’ve spoiled their children enough! Even Jesus said it; “-I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”

Hebrews 11:6 says “And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to Him must believe that He exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.”

I had one out of two done! I came believing that He exists! It was the second part I fell down in.

I don’t want to pretend that I have all the answers. I don’t. OFTEN, I look around and realize that I’m in a mess and the way there was paved by good intentions. But more and more and MORE, God has been showing me that I don’t have to be so concerned with appearances. If I muddle it up, oh well. I still want to follow Him and that’s enough! God can work with that.

Maybe that’s not religious enough for some of you, but again, oh well. We’ll see where I end up!

God bless you!

Samantha

Ireland, Here I Come!

2007-01-31T21:16:00.000-08:00

^_^

I'm back! It's been too long, but I'm here now!

As I looked back on 2006, I realized that 2006 was probably the best year of my life. It was a wonderful thing to realize! So much blessing, so much revelation...God has been very good to me. But even as I thought about that, I felt the Lord pointing out something to me.

Let me preface with a story. For Christmas this year, my fabulous older brother bought my sisters the Nintendo Wii. They were screaming and jumping around and hugging everyone, and it was so much fun to watch them! They were so excited and happy I found myself feeling a little jealous! I was like, "Lord, why is it that birthdays and Christmases aren't as exciting to me anymore?" I didn't really expect a response, so I was surprised when these words just dropped into my heart.

"Sam, it's because you don't ask for big enough stuff."

Wow. How many times do we miss out on the excitement and adventure, simply because we have taught ourselves to be satisfied with "just enough to get by"?

God has been showing me in so many areas of my life that I don't depend on Him enough! With all the beautiful growth in my life, you'd think I should be satisfied, right? Wrong!

The bible says that God is able to do exceedingly, abundantly, above all we could ever ask or think. One of the names of God is El Shaddai or "more than enough". God wants to pour out His love, guidance, and provision on our lives.

So to practice trusting God for bigger, I'm going to start dreaming again, and for Christmas next year, I'm asking for a trip to Ireland!

God bless you!

Samantha

When God Sneaks Up On You

2006-12-31T15:42:00.000-08:00

Hallooooooooooo all!

Yup, I'm back! I've been going through some change, as I've mentioned in earlier posts, but praise the Lord, He's been working things out for me.

So December 31, 2006 was our church's final day under the name of "Empower". Now, we are officially known as "Family Life Christian Center". Everything is the same, we just have a different name. There is a story behind the name change (one I might tell, should the time arise), but I won't bore you with the details right now. I've already changed the link, so it goes directly to the new website. The site is under construction, but it's looking great, and I can't wait to see the final product!

This is a post I've been working on for a little while now. There were a lot of thoughts that I knew I wanted to express, but I could tell I needed to be more focused in my delivery. Praise the Lord, I have a Divine Editor!

1 John 4:10 This is real love. It is not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins.

I'm just going to dive right in. God loved you first. Before you ever thought of Him, He loved you. While you were still completely engrossed in other things, God was thinking about you. He came for you before you even realized you needed help!

Romans 5:8 But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

I love the Message's version of Romans 5:8: "But God put his love on the line for us by offering his Son in sacrificial death while we were of no use whatever to him." Haha!! How's that for crazy?? We had absolutely nothing to offer Him and yet, He sent His ONLY Son to die for us!

Isaiah 65:1 "I revealed myself to those who did not ask for me; I was found by those who did not seek me. To a nation that did not call on my name, I said, 'Here am I, here am I.'

I remember the day that I finally understood what these verses meant. Let me tell you something, if you haven't yet read these verses and cried your eyes out, you haven't understood them. Before you showed any interest whatsoever in God, He LOVED you with an undying devotion! He claimed you as His child and reached for you!

I was lost once. I wandered off and got lost. The world became dark and I tried to make my own light with my own strength. I trusted in myself to pull myself out of the things I had gotten into, but everything just kept getting darker and darker. Depression and desperation were my daily companions. I kept hiding behind a chipper smile and my "never give up because I am SUPERWOMAN" attitude, but on the inside, I was broken. I felt worthless, unloved, cheated, lonely, abused, overlooked and unmissed. I kept telling myself that I was strong enough to dig my way out and find the light again, but it was all lies. It was ALL lies.

I would tell myself that I was strong enough to take care of my own problems. I didn't need help. I was being strong for my family. I would FORCE my circumstances to change, because I was superwoman. What a bunch of baloney!!

Understand something: if you are telling yourself that you are strong enough to take care of yourself, you are deceiving yourself. Stop that train of thought now, because it's that thought process that kept me in bondage for SO LONG.

Yes, you can muddle along and perhaps keep a certain standard of living on your own, but you won't ever be able to fill the yawning void on the inside of you! It's living on food stamps and welfare when a billion dollars has been set aside for you! It's fighting off a strong attacker and just managing to keep him from killing you, when you have a guy with a black belt in tae kwon do standing over to the side waiting for the word from you to attack!

Let me tell you about my breaking point. I was in my bedroom, lying on the floor, looking up at the ceiling. It was night time, and very dark out, but that darkness was nothing compared to the blackness that had swallowed me. I rested at the bottom of this thick shadow, just listening to my breathing. Something had happened that day that had upset me so much that I had gone upstairs and wept. They weren't the proper kind of tears though. They were angry tears, tears of supressed rage. I was aware of the fact that I was so angry and bitter, I could feel the effects in my bones. My arms and legs felt so odd; like they were heavier and heated some how. This heavy grief was resting ontop of my chest and I realized that, though I still thought I could exist in this hell on my own, I would be doing just that. Existing. I couldn't dispell or eradicate the thing that was sitting on me.

In my grief and rage, I finally went to God. I didn't try to hide my condition. I didn't know how to address Him properly, I just screamed out to Him. I guess, partially, I blamed Him and accused Him, but really I was calling for His intervention. I knew I didn't want the sickness and brokeness anymore. I wanted Him to save me.

Let me tell you! He came to me! He quieted my heart and stilled my accusations. The work wasn't instantaneously completed right there, but over the next couple weeks, He worked me over. He opened my heart, washed me off, applied salve, and bandaged my wounds. The more I reached for Him, the more He supported and healed me. The peace came, the direction came, the provision came. He broke through that darkness and ultimately tore it to shreds!

I don't rely on my strength anymore. I am less than a weakling compared to Him; besides it's fun riding around on His shoulders, watching Him annihilate anything that attacks me. I like the veiw! It's like killing ants with an atomic bomb, an unfair amount of firepower is involved!

I keep hearing God saying to me, "Find my lost ones. They are lonely and hurting, abused and disillusioned. Go get them and bring them to Me!" I have to tell you, the ONLY thing that gave me hope, the ONLY thing that gave any peace, the ONLY thing that solved any of the serious battles I faced was God. He is the best I have to offer you, the greatest solution I've ever found.

Acts 17:27 God did this so that men would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from each one of us.

Reach out to Him. Wherever you are today, reach out to Him. He isn't far from you. He doesn't mind climbing down into the muck and crawling under things to reach you. He'll gather you into His arms and carry you out. You will feel this fabulous peace and comfort. The silence inside of your aching heart will be so soothing! All the accusing voices will finally be silenced! And as He washes you off and bandages your wounds, your heart will heal.

Don't wait. Don't put it off. Don't try to figure everything out on your own anymore. Turn to your Perfect Father and let Him help you. He loves you so much!

If you need or want to talk to me more about this, just drop me a comment and I'll get in contact with you. God bless you!

Keeping Your Focus Amid The Bustle

2006-12-17T22:08:00.000-08:00

Wow, this has been such a busy time for me. I've been working a lot more, and what with Christmas shopping and finishing up school, I've barely had time to sit down and just be! (Graduation went wonderfully, for those who want to know! Hallelujah!) I wanted to post regularly, and I'm afraid I've fallen down on the job! =\

I could list all the things I've done in the past week, but I'm too nice to do that to you!! Haha! It's just that as I looked back over my schedule and whistled in awe, I felt like God whispered something to me. Don't forget the root of all this. Don't forget the motive behind all the actions and steps.

You see, I've been becoming more involved in my church (it's been fun and wonderful!). As my days become filled with all sorts of doings, it's easy to forget that I want my schedule to be controlled by my Heavenly Father! It's easy to forget that He is the driving force behind everything that I do. Even the little things, like driving my sisters somewhere or picking something up for my mom, they are all things that I want to do cheerfully. I want my God to know that I do even these teensy things in love for Him.

So as I scour out the sink at work or volunteer to fill someone else's shift, I MUST stop and trace my actions back to their source. Am I doing this from a love of being busy? Or am I doing this because I want to develop the heart of a servant? Have I wandered from the original determination to be led by the Holy Spirit? I keep feeling like God doesn't want me to become distracted by all the "things" and "appointments".

I hope you all have a wonderful and blessed Christmas! As you hustle out to buy more stocking stuffers and wrapping paper, don't become distracted from the heart of the season!

Love ya,
Sam

My Letter

2006-12-08T22:13:00.000-08:00

Woohoo! I'm almost done with college! I have two finals this week and then.......*dramatic drum roll* I'm DONE!!! Praise the Lord, He's gotten me through! Not only gotten through but excelled, thank you Jesus!

So in one of my classes, we worked through "The 21 Indispensable Characteristics of a Leader" by John C. Maxwell. The book really forces you to take a serious look at your life and your habits. Do you have a well developed character? Do you have a vision for your life? Are you disciplined? All of these questions encourage internal growth and I really enjoyed the book.

Now, as part of our final, my teacher is having each of us write a letter to his or herself and turn it in to him, sealed in a self addressed envelope. The letters are supposed to talk about what things are really and truly important to us and what challenges or goals we have for our lives in the future. At some point, after many years have passed, our teacher will mail these letters to us.

I was pretty excited when I saw this assignment. I have felt very challenged by the book and I believe I've made some good changes over the semester. It was this book that helped me to realize what my TRUE vision was. I had been shying away from it before, as I felt that the vision was way too big for me and that I'd fail. But, that's how you know that the vision is from God- when it's waaaaaay too big for you to complete on your own and you know that you'll have to have God's help!!

I have a few questions that are supposed to help us write our letters and I'd like to share them with you:

-Do you have a vision for your life?
-What are the things that are truly important to you?
-What are you willing to sacrifice your life for?
-What is holding you back from going after your vision?
-What can you do to change it?

And let me add one:

-Have you asked God to show you His vision for your life?

I decided a while ago that I was tired of trusting only in myself. At a certain point, I realized that anything I built with my own strength was pretty worthless and unfulfilling. After turning to Him and asking for direction, I've been amazed at the difference! I'm never bored anymore and I'm rarely lonely! The plans He has for me are WAY better than anything that I would have thought up on my own! Yes, they are a bit scary at times, but that's only when I start to fall back into old ways. If I'm looking at His God-sized plans and hyperventilating, I need to remember that He is the one bringing the increase and the adventure! He'll also be the one to pave the path!

I don't want to post the whole passage, but read Isaiah 58:8-12. If you have the New King James Version, it's a really powerful translation.

Isaiah 58:8 Then your light shall break forth like the morning, Your healing shall spring forth speedily, And your righteousness shall go before you; The glory of the Lord shall be your rear guard.

Goodnight and God bless you!

Samantha

A Servant's Heart

2006-12-03T21:34:00.000-08:00

God has been dealing with me recently about truly having a servant's heart. Now, saying that, one might look at my life and all the things that I do and wonder where the problem was! I'm always up for a special project or helping someone out. I love helping people. But what God has been showing me is that a servant's heart starts at home. I can do big, showy acts of service and kindness, but when it really matters, am I acting the way God wants me to?

It's easy to do "special" tasks and gain approval from the masses; it's not so easy to do the ordinary mundane things like loading and unloading the dishwasher for your mother. (Why is that??) Vaccuuming the living room or making dinner aren't the glorious tasks we jump for.

In Mark 10, Jesus talks about how lots of the people in power lord their authority over their subjects. He goes on to say that for us, His disciples, it can't be that way. If we want to have authority, we have to become servants.

Mark 10:45 For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many."

I want to be transformed to resemble Jesus in word and deed. For that to happen, I have to follow His example.

Mark 9:35 Sitting down, Jesus called the Twelve and said, "If anyone wants to be first, he must be the very last, and the servant of all."

My family is my first mission field. If I can't be the very last and the servant of all to them, I don't have a foundation of compassion that is deep enough to be of lasting effect out in the world! Any change that is made inside of me must first be seen, tested, and tried by my parents and siblings! If it is a true heart change, no matter who is around me, the change will be obvious.

Blessings,
Sam

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year!!

2006-11-30T23:42:00.000-08:00

I am grinning from ear to ear right now!! We are in the middle of our first snowfall of this winter!! Woooooooohooooooo!! My Mumsy and sisters were helping me with my gingerbread house, so we didn't notice the snow until I had to run out for more supplies. (Shouldn't have been munching so many of the candies... >_< )

It's super cold outside, so the snow isn't very wet, but the flakes are nice and generous. I had to let Marty (our golden retriever) outside so he could have his first snowbeastie frolic. He loves the cold and snow almost as much as I do! He'll go outside and run around at top speed, take a few mouthfuls of snow, and then flop down on his back to make the doggie version of a snowangel! Haha, I love watching him!

The first snow of winter on December 1st! That's gotta be a good thing right?

Enjoy the snow,
Sam

Feeling PUMPED!!!

2006-11-26T13:00:00.000-08:00

MAN. What a Sunday service! It was so good.... I barely know where to start.

My brother gave the offering message. Now you're thinking, "Oh HO! That's why she says that the Sunday service was great." Nope. Yes, it's nice to see your sibling progressing on the path God has for him, but I was praying that his message would get through to me. I didn't want to dismiss what he was saying just because he's my brother. Familiarity breeds contempt and all that rot.

Well, my prayer was answered. Praise the Lord, God got me right between the eyes with the offering message! He was talking about giving control of your finances over to God. I just condensed the subject of the message and left out a TON of points that he made, because I want to suggest something. Click the link over to the right hand side of the page that is marked: My Church. It's under my favorites, right above Dear Natalie and my pastor's blog link. Then, once you are on Empower's website, underneath the banner at the top of the page is a place that says Look & Listen. Click on that and you'll be able to find today's message.

If you have never checked out the links that I've provided, PLEASE! This is the time. I don't spam people and I'm not one to send chain emails. I know your time is precious and I wouldn't suggest it if I wasn't sure that you were going to be blessed by it. If the offering message doesn't teach you something and show you something new, the sermon Pastor Barlow preached will get you. If (by some amount of craziness and you are like a spiritual giant) you don't receive anything from the sermon, the missionaries that speak after the sermon will bless your heart!

I was so blessed today. My Father confirmed some of the things He has been speaking to my heart and He challenged some of my ideas about life in general. As it is, I'll have to go over the sermon notes again a couple more times, just so I know that I really GOT it all. God is so good, folks. He is the perfect Father, ever loving and everlasting. If you want to learn and grow, He'll take you by the hand and teach you. If you are wounded and hurting, He'll wrap His arms around you, comfort you, and heal you. He will NEVER leave you or forsake you, no matter what you are getting into. He loves you more than you could ever realize or imagine!!

Check out the link, and be blessed!!

Hugs,
Sam

Taking A Breather

2006-11-24T19:21:00.000-08:00

Do you ever hear something from God....and then He repeats Himself like twenty times? It seems like everything you read or hear is on the subject He was talking about?

I need to spend more time with Him. I've been running around like a chicken with my head cut off, trying to produce all this change instantaneously, and it's been crazy. I have such favor at school and work, I find myself really, really busy. I want the changes He's been working in my heart to be evident in my daily life, but my priorities have been messed up.

Today, when I was looking through my usual blogs, I heard a really good suggestion. Setting aside a time or day for a "date" with God. The immediate reaction was, "I don't have time" but that's just not true. I can ask for a day off and go spend time with Him. Get out of the house and just spend sometime hanging out, worshipping, and praying. The very idea feels refreshing and I can't wait to try it!

Merry Christmas!

Sam

Thanksgiving

2006-11-22T17:49:00.000-08:00

I can hardly believe that it's Thanksgiving time again. Time just flew by!!

I've been SO blessed this year! God has been dealing with my heart, rooting up some unforgiveness and planting new seeds in there. I've learned so much recently that it's hard to try to express it all. But I still want to list some of the things I'm thankful for and feel free to share some of the things YOU are thankful for!

Thank you Father for:

~Your love, patience, and ENCOURAGEMENT this year!!
~That certain promise you told me about last year around this time! ;)
~My family; we've been tested, but YOU brought us through it! Praise the Lord!
~My new job and all the new friends I've made. I've been blessed with such favor from my coworkers and bosses; I know that's your handiwork!
~Our new church family!! Only You know how awesome of an impact Empower has had on our lives!
~My new car, it runs like a top!
~My school experience! You've worked some wonderful miracles in that situation and shown me what it means to trust You on a daily basis.

I could keep going for ages, but I have to go get food for my family. I hope that everyone's Thanksgiving Day is a wonderful, blessed occasion! One that brings friends and family closer together and closer to God!

Thoughts and Ponderings

2006-11-20T16:53:00.000-08:00

So far, this blog has just been my jottings on things God has shown me. When I think about what I want to post, I review some of the major struggles and victories I've had in my life. It's funny though; I've been ministered to just by considering these things again. I want to talk about some of the battles I've been in; hopefully, they will be encouraging to you too!

About a year ago, I had a powerful experience. It changed me and the way I interact with God. There was a minister at our church who was talking about Hannah and the sacred vow she made to God. The sermon culminated in the minster having us ask God for something that we'd been longing for and then, making a sacred vow to Him. Not a sort of quid pro quo type of arrangement, because there isn't anything with which we could bribe God. It was just to finally ask God for EXACTLY the thing we'd been wanting, the thing that we'd been longing for and too afraid to ask Him to give. Then dedicate something to Him to mark the occasion.

I asked God to take away the heavy darkness that was always resting on the top of my stomach. (I found out later that feeling was shame.) I dedicated the rest of my life to Him and doing whatever He led me to do. Then, as a congregation, we all praised God for hearing and fulfilling our requests.

The dark feeling? GONE! In an instant, that feeling was ripped away and in it's place, this wonderful, warm peace. I knew that God was on the inside of me, that He filled that place now, and I'd never feel like He was far from me again.

About three days later, I went to a Dave Duell meeting and God finished cleaning me out. God told Dave about something the doctor had diagnosed me with and Dave prayed for me. I'd never even considered getting prayer about it before that!! (A couple days later, I found out that medically the sickness was gone too!! There was no trace of the disease any more.) But through that prayer for healing, God healed other emotional wounds as well. That experience was so FREEING! I KNEW who God was. I KNEW He was happy with me, that He loved me, that He was a kind, gentle, joyful Father.

Even now, when I look back at those weeks, I still get this big smile on my face! I can still feel the joy and peace of that moment. I wasn't concerned with how I looked or what others thought about me. I just rested and let my Father minister His overwhelming love to me. What an amazing experience!

Still Smiling,
Sam

Trusting God

2006-11-18T16:42:00.000-08:00

Whichever way we go in life, we have to consult God for directions. Whatever we want to do, whatever result we want to see in our lives, God has the answers.

Have you ever found yourself somewhere and you have no idea how you got there? Not literally, but figuratively. Sometimes, because of pressure or fear, we take the easy road or a detour and suddenly, we wind up somewhere insane!

Example: I'm graduating college in a couple weeks. I'll have a degree in culinary arts, one that I worked very hard for. But the sad thing is, I'm not passionate about culinary and I know that I don't want to cook for the rest of my life.

Praise God, I know that God can use the skills I've obtained, plus, I know that I've grown a LOT in culinary school. It wasn't a complete waste of time. But what would have happened if I had trusted God in the first place and asked Him what He wanted me to do?

Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.

Blessings,
Samantha

My First Blog!!

2006-11-15T03:50:00.000-08:00

Heheh! So I know that the name of this blog could be alarming to some people, but don't worry! I'm not too crazy..... Hahah, actually the title of this blog is the meaning of my name! And I really wanted to talk about that.

Do you ever think about how important names are? In the bible, you see that when a parent would name their child, very often the name would mean something special. Either the name would describe something the parent was going through around the time of the child's birth, or it would foretell something about the child or the child's life. Benjamin, the son of Jacob (also known as Israel), almost was named Ben-Oni which means son of my sorrows! Rachel was going to name her child that because she was dying, but what kind of life do you think he would have had? He would have had to hear that he was a child born out of sorrow every day of his life! But Israel, even though he was saddened by the death of Rachel, wasn't willing to have his son named for sorrow. Instead, he named him Benjamin which means Son of my right hand. What a name! Instead of hearing that he was a child associated with death and sorrow, Benjamin grew up knowing that his father LOVED him and that he was highly favored!

Sometimes God would change someone's name to reflect the new circumstances and blessings He was about to shower on them. Isn't that beautiful? No matter what your parents or friends think about you or say about you, God sees you how you are! He can change your name to reflect the tremendous love and compassion He has for you. He will wipe your slate clean and give you the name that reflects your TRUE self, the you that He sees!

One of the reasons names are so important is that they are spoken outloud. Whether you know the meaning of your name or not, if affects your life. I have a best friend whose name means, "Enlightened One" and "Out of the dark river". His life has been filled with struggles and trials. He's been into some really dark things, but God got hold of him and now, my friend is fullfilling the meaning of his name! He's enlightened and he's passed the dark times!

My name may mean Listener of God, but I've always been called Sam. When I was younger, I went through struggles and dark times, and I'd find myself thinking that I didn't really reflect the meaning of my name. Sometimes, when I was really down, I'd wonder why it felt like God wasn't hearing my cries or comforting me. One time when I was really feeling dark, I went online as usual and started checking my emails. On a whim, I went to a baby name site and looked up my name again. In the bottom corner of the page, there was a hyperlink that led to my nickname. I clicked it and guess what I found out?? Do you know what Sam means? "God hears!"

God bless you!

Samantha F.